People see me smiling most of the time.. but I guess only a couple of who really see me can tell or know that I'm not totally ok.
They said getting hurt makes us learn and helps us become stronger. But while on the stage of hurting, we sometimes just can't do anything but cry.. and if we can't show our tears to the people we are trying so much to be strong for.. what else can we do?
Why am I hurting so much?
- I'm most of the time so tired from work cause I seriously have tons of things at my hands. Don't get me wrong, I love my work so much. The pain comes more from how things are sometimes when I get home. I don't mind helping, as in! I can give all I can no matter how tired I am... but... my all have limits too.. It's difficult for me to say no to simple requests or favors.. but.. please.. if I say no to something I can't do, don't tell me I'm MEAN!.. I do naman almost everything you ask from me eh.. but.. calling me mean even if you just meant it as a joke is NOT funny at all.. it really HURTS! And when I get grouchy from all the utos you have for me, yet do them anyway, don't emphasize anymore that I'm again masungit.. it's just my way of at least expressing how tired I am but still doing what I can for you, because you asked me to.. because I understand you.. because I'm just here for you no matter what.
- And when you say sorry and I don't accept it right away, please let me be for sometime.. I'm just trying to like recollect myself.. (before continuing this, I read the blog she wrote for me).. not that I am angry or what just want to save somethings for myself before I totally break down from all the pain I feel. Like what I said, I can give all I can no matter what.. and I'm not asking anything in return, just treat me properly and stop treating me like nobody.
- Another thing that is painful to me right now is how other people are pulling me and my Ate apart.. that it seems like a crime to have a friend that is not "the same" as I.. but come to think of it.. we are all human beings, there are a lot of differences between us, but we all need a friend/friends that we are comfortable with. Maybe it is unusual but it doesn't mean it's not possible and should be prohibited. Maybe I had history of familiarity but I can guarantee that I stayed and always will be professional to the vocation I vow myself to.
STILL HURTING SO MUCH
(PS: sorry if my entry seems magulo..)
1 comment:
I really can't disagree with what you said. I know that you really have mountains of work at school, I'm actually wondering why they give you so much.. but anyways, just continue on being strong and patient... kahit medyo over na yung mga utos nya.. but dont deprive yourself of rest. Just relax... just text me if you need someone to talk to.. I'm just here :)
About the last paragraph of the entry.. It's going to be a new adjustment, but even though.. its still not going to tear our sisterhood apart... :)
Take care always! :)
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