No Right!

So I have NO right to just play and rest! When the househelp is not here, I'm the one who should take her place! BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wanna go home.. to my real home.. where I'm treated well and given the respect I think I truly deserve.

I wanna cry.. but even that I can't do cause it may mean showing weakness on my part. But the truth is I'm just really hurt.. so much! I can't even believe I have lasted this long being treated like this by this one person! And who does she think she is?! The boss of all the bosses?!

I'll be most glad to come back to my real home once my brother and I have finalized things up. I used to think so much of this foster family I have been with for years. Considering their situation is what make me hold on and not leave. I still owe them a lot and I will always be indebted on how they have welcomed me in their house. But I think things change and people show their real color when all I was and still is the same person the first time I stepped into this place. I just wanna think that things without me in this place will be better since they will be able to find someone they can boss around to do things here. Or they will be more independent enough to do things by themselves. I have humiliated myself and made myself feel so inferior of them when I know to myself I'm not like what they or particularly HER think I am.

I think it is not too late to regain my self confidence and my self respect the soonest I can get out of here! And when that time comes, all I wish for this family is the best of life has to offer for them.

Things aren't getting any better

Things aren't getting any better...

1. Ondoy did a lot of negative things to our country. Not only that he destroyed a lot of properties and took hundreds of lives. He also caused trauma to those who experienced devastating things cause of the floods and also disturbed classes in all levels in NCR and Region IV.

2. And while we haven't really moved on and picked up the pieces of what Ondoy did to us, Pepeng is up and running about being what they say is a super typhoon.

3. I have made her sad once when I got stranded. And while she isn't over it yet, "oops, I did it again".. I didn't hear from her for 56 hours and when we finally got to communicate again, I broke her heart again. Now, I can't again contact her. She must have been really mad at me right now. And all I can say is sorry.. I really am.

4. And the thing that she got mad at me about.. Oh well, I think it will never be a cause of our tampuhan or whatnot. Things aren't getting any better. I will never step foot there again.

5. Tatay.. he is battling with this curable illness PTB. He is in the starting stage wherein he was just been diagnosed with this for week. It's not really the illness that we are worried about, but his disposition in life. He used to be really a physically strong person. And now with PTB, he easily gets tired and he gets frustrated by it.

6. Work.. adjustments of schedule.. making us watch something that we didn't super willingly like.. rebuilding what was lost in the TC lab.. Never ending cleaning of the lab, but it never will be totally cleaned cause of the back area full of mickeys and roachies.. I can go on about this but I think in one way or another, these things will have solutions... eventually.

hay.. *sigh*

But even with all these not so good things.. I keep in mind and heart that things are going to get better... SOON!