Tears just keep falling

Tears keep falling for a simple reason that all I do is hurt the ones I love. I didn't mean to, I didn't want to, but that's what happened..

Sure, I'll smile to show the majority that everything about me is ok, but I know I'm not fully ok. Don't get me wrong, I'm ok, just not fully. How I wish to find again that true smile..

I seem to be just babbling and starting to become senseless.. I'm honestly confused and tired.. I'm just hoping for better things to come..

But for now.. I'll just wait.. Wait till the tears stop falling already..

A lot of things...

Lately, a lot of things happened to me.. both good and not so good..

the good and happy ones...

• I was chosen to chaperon our student representatives for the Voice of Leadership Camp in Eugenio Lopez Center, Antipolo. I had fun, met new people and learned a lot. (Plus i got a pic with Chris Tiu.. =p). Enjoyed every moment of it..=) .. Good luck and more power to Volvo.. =)
• Ate moments.. =)
• Kitty moments.. =)
• Being able to relax by watching at least 1 movie per weekend (already watched 4 so far).. =)
• Catching up with my tons of never-ending work.. =p (as i finish one, three new ones come along!)
• Being able to sing again for Him during mass.. =)

And the not so good ones... =(

• The dad of one of my co-teachers passed away..
  
• I keep hurting the people who are very special to me.. and I'm really really sorry..
• It seems like I have no control of things happening to me right now.. that all I can do is break down and cry.. but even that I can't fully do cause I don't want the people around me to worry about me. I just hope I'd be strong enough to handle things that are happening and are yet to happen.

But no matter what comes along.. All I wish is for things to be better for the ones I've hurt.. And as for me.. I need all the help I can get from my friends and from Him..

Magkaibigan

This is the first movie I've seen for this year (My friend and I have planned to watch at least 1 movie every week as our form of relaxation) and it literally brought me to tears.

The movie reminded me of my own experiences dealing with the big C.. Don't get me wrong, I don't have cancer, but my mom had.. now she's in heaven watching over us.

It was painful to hear from the doctor the news but I had to be strong, can't show to my mom any tinge of fear and tear. I don't want to go to work after learning she has lymphoma, cancer of the lymph nodes. But she still made me go to work, probably she needed time for herself.

On my way to work, I finally can't take it, I called my best friend Tonet and started breaking out while I was in the MRT. When I finally got to school, I looked for one person, Mrs. Canet. I talked to her, thought tears won't come out anymore yet it poured out even more. I had to maintain my composure cause I still have class. In the faculty room, they noticed I was unusually quiet, they asked how my mom was, all I did was cry, then told them the diagnosis. Then, my students came to "fetch" me and saw I was crying. I tried hard to compose myself, but was unsuccessful.. My students were unusually quiet when I came in the classroom.. I think I tried to smile but when they asked how's my mom, in a very calm, cracking, crying voice, I told them..

A lot of other things happened after that and as what most know, my mom joined the Lord last December 22, 2007.

Going back to the movie.. I only disagree on one thing.. One of the characters said to his son when he asked whom he considers as his best friend and named a few, the dad said: "ok na marami kang kaibigan, pero dapat may isa lang talaga na kadikit mo" (not the exact line but something to that effect). As it is true that it's nice to have "bestest" friend as how the generation of today says it, we are not restricted to just one.. And to those I call my best friend (2net, Kitty, Crunch and Ate), promises I made with you, our pact to be here for each other no matter, will forever hold true.. =')

Christmas Break (Updated)

The Christmas break is almost over with approximately 28 hours (when I started writing this blog) till my next official time at work. Let me share with you some highlights or even details of some of the things I did everyday of my vacation days.

December 20

• I sang at OBMCI (yes I was there on a Saturday) for the mass before the Christmas party of the Service Personnel. stayed there for exactly 2 hours (8:45- 10:45).
• Went home first and waited for the decision of my original companion for the day. Unfortunately things didn't turn to our favor..
  
• Pato and I went instead in SM the Block by Edsa-QC. It's both our first time there. We looked for Adidas cause there is where she had the jacket reserved. It's her Christmas gift for me.. hehe.. =)
• The Bird Family attended the usual Saturday anticipated mass we go to. I sang with the choir. And this time became an official member of Psalm 100 Choir.. =)

December 21 -23 - Refer to my entry "Babang Luksa" .. =)

December 24

• Mommy Goose's 46th birthday
• We heard the dawn mass and had a breakfast celebration in the garden.
• After the breakfast, Pato and I stayed at Ma's den. We watched TV and then fell asleep.. =p
• Lunchtime.. Mommy invited us to go with her in Shang coz she's treating her friends from Tagaytay who are "brothers" and Fr. Albert. We ate in Trattoria.
• Pato worked using Ben-Q while I fell asleep on the couch after I wrote my entry "Babang Luksa"
• We heard mass at 9 then dinner at Ma's house then opened our gifts

December 25

• Early morning (around 3 am), Pato and I watched Blowfish through the webcam open my gift for her.. It was a nice sight seeing her really happy.. =)
• Afternoon.. we went to Loyola Park and Fr. Serge said mass for the departed members of the family.
• Dinner - Seaside at Macapagal Ave.. We ate a lot! (I love seafood) =)
• Dessert - Peninsula Manila - I had Sweet Strawberry Sensation.. it was really good! =)

December 26

• Around 10 am - I went to the parlor to get my hair rebonded with cellophane.. =P
• I also had manicure, foot spa with pedicure... I stayed in the parlor f0r like 7 hours.. got really hungry that I bought hotdog sandwhich in the nearby 7-11 and ate it while on my way home.
• Dinner - Banana Leaf at Podium. After dinner, I bought a gift for Ducky (#8 billiard ball microbead pillow by Sleepcare)
• Before we left podium, I bought caramel machiatto at Starbucks (I'm addict coz I'm collecting stickers.. hehe..=P )
• My best friend Crunch left for Bangkok this day. They left the house at 2pm; their flight is at 6pm.

December 27

• We just stayed at home in the morning and just left the house when we were going to church already.
• My first practice day with the choir. It went well. =)
• Dinner @ Lattize. It's a fine dining restaurant somewhere in Mandaluyong (or San Juan). It is where Ate Nic works as a chef.. =).. We were with Fr. Ed and Fr. Serge. I had honey glazed chicken.. =)
• Was able to talk to ate on the phone cause I kinda got mad at her cause she doesn't want to eat dinner cause she wasn't feeling well.

December 28

• Pato and I went to Paco Park for her history project. I helped her take pictures and interview different people in the park.
• We had lunch in Healthy Shabu-shabu at Robinson's Place Midtown. Went around for awhile then dropped by Starbucks (to collect more stickers..hehe) before we went back to Paco Park for more picture taking.
• We were fetched by her dad in Paco Park and drove us home. When we found out there's no one home, Pato and I went to Shang..
• We watched Dayo (it's a nice movie to watch, very entertaining. I had a great laugh while watching..=) )
• Dinner at the food court, we ate steak from Steak Escape.. =)
• We went to Sleepcare and bought a lime green square pillow for Pato's friend.
• We again dropped by Starbucks before we walked home. =)

December 29

• At 10am, I helped Pato's group in the baking of the cream puffs. I only stayed till I finished helping in pipping of the puffs; that was around 12:05 pm.. =)
• 1:10 - 7 pm - SHANG with blowf.. It was a very unforgettable and happy bonding moment with one of the special people in my life.. Thanks for everything.. =)
• Got my Starbucks planner.. =)
  
• Got fetched and accompanied Mommy Goose and Pato to the parlor for Pato's haircut.
• start of PUZZLE DAY! =)

December 30

• Just stayed at home, did and finished the puzzle that Pato gave as her Christmas gift using the puzzle mat given by ate as one of her 6 gifts for me this Christmas (spoiled ako kay ate.. hehe..=p )
• Uploaded pictures in my multiply
• Something new.. I slept before 12 midnight.. hehe..=p

December 31

• around 5:30 am - I got a text from Crunch.. Welcome back! =)
• slept some more after the text
• The "Bird Siblings" flew to Mega Mall and Shang for an afternoon fly-out.. hehe.. =p
• MEGA MALL
• Went to Puzzle Dazzle to have my latest puzzle framed (but I'll get it pa on the 12th of Jan.)
• National bookstore, Papemelroti.
• LUNCH - Sbarro - treat ni Turkey.. =)
• Video City, Department Store
• SHANG
• Watched Baler (I'm really no fan of history and anything related to it, but Anne Curtis was great and really pleasant to watch)
• Sleepcare.. We, in total, bought 4 microbead pillows as gift to whoever we have in mind to give it to. (I got a blue square pillow for ate's ate so she won't "pillow-nap" "Lil Sis".. hehe..=p)
• Home and waited for the time that we'll hear mass. (it was at 9pm)
• I cried after I had communion because I miss my mom so much.. =(
  
• Stayed at ma's house while we wait for new year. I did Juliane's confetti (my finger hurt after.. hehe)
• Ate a lot! As in!

January 1

• Watched Ate Nic light different fireworks.
• Called Japs who is in Batangas and greeted him Happy Birthday!
• Ate some more! haha! =))
  
• Bath then finished the confetti.. slept at 3am! =)
• DO NOTHING DAY! - disney channel
• Just stayed at home, watched TV, EAT.. hahahaha.. =))

January 2

• Juliane's 7th Birthday held at Phil. Army Officers Club inTaguig
• I had nail art, glitter tattoo and face paint! =) (got shocked and shy when the lady who did my face paint offered to do body paint on me. She would like to do lace bra on me cause she likes my cap size O.O)
• Ate a lot.. again.. =))
• DINNER - Abe at Serendra.. got sad cause a big fly went to my mango shake which I reserved for dessert, mango crepe..
• DESSERT (part 2) - Peninsula Manila - had Cafe Crumble.. it was good! =)
• Was a bit sad though cause my phone died by the time we got to Manila Pen.

January 3

• Got home around 1 am cause we waited for Kuya Og and Anne at Manila Pen. They came form the states.
• Bath. Wrote on my 3 planners. Uploaded pictures in multiply (my and Pato's sites). Dried my hair. Slept at 5am.. =p
• Woke up around 10am. Started working.. checked drill sheets.
• Church.. choir practice.. mass.. a bit sad cause I didn't sing well.. =(
• DINNER - Lattize - with Fr. Ikabod and the Bird Family.
• Home.. helped Pato inject fillings for their Cream Puffs.. till..

January 4

• 1 am.
• bath. And since my hair is still wet and I'm in the mood to blog... I've come to write this.
• I'll just update this after what will happen today. For now, sleeping time.. (sorry ate..)
• Woke up around 11am.. made kulit Pato to go out of bed na and prepare for our "movie time".. but with no success..
• We went out of bed around 11:45am.. had brunch and then mommy goose made yaya to watch "Magkaibigan"..
• I called Robinson's Galleria to check the showing time.. We made the 1:20 show.. =) (I went first to Starbuck before the movie and bought venti of caramel machiatto coz I've been craving for it since new year..=P )
• Cried a lot in while watching the movie.. Pato called me cry baby.. ='(
• Had merienda at Pancake house.. I had Roast Beef Special Set.. =)
• Went around the mall, got a bit sad coz the zipper of the dress I like so much in folded and hung is defective.
• Home.. just got the pillow for ate's ate then went to St. Francis Square.
  
• Met with ate and her ate for awhile.. =)
• Went to mega mall. I was just supposed to buy this exercise dvd (bump and burn) in video city. I went to folded and hung, no size of my dress.. =(
• Pato texted me to buy plastic hand gloves.. but before I did so, I passed by in2it. It's my make-up line and Leni Ann was so warm to me as usual so she was able to persuade me to buy my set of make-up.. Would you believe I spent almost Php2,500?! But it was a a great buy.. =)
• At the fx terminal, I made taray to the dispatcher cause he was grouchy when he asked me to move! I told him in mean voice that the place I'll go down to is not that far that's why I sat near the door.
• Home.. quickly changed then played basketball with Pato. As usual, I lost 18-30. We had free-throw shot of 5 sets of 10. ME - 6-6-7-7-4 (30/50) ; PATO - 8-5-8-6-7 (34/50)
• Dinner.. bath.. then this blog..
• I need to finish my power point presentation about the Reproductive System before I sleep.. =p

Those are the things that happened to me this CHRISTMAS BREAK.. =)