Pahabol Birthday Surprises.. =)

When I thought I've got more than enough surprises already, i thought wrong!

Last NOv. 26, Thursday, I went to AdMU to meet up with one of my best frends.. I know she got something for me, but I didn't expect that she got a lot for me.. =)

When Cal and I met at the black benches (where she always hit her elbow when she moves to get something or whatnot.. hehe.. =p), we chatted first for awhile on how our day was. Then she gave me her first surprise, she got me (or us, coz she has the same one of it) this cute cellphone holder. It's pink (as usual.. hehe) cute pig.. hehe.. kamuhka ko! =))

And when I thought that the mosaic Cal did for me was just the one she sent to my mail on my birthday itself, it wasn't. That was her next surprise! =D She made a compilation of mosaic of me, it was so cool! I super wanted to have a mosaic of me, and now I just didn't get one, I have 7! =D

And the 3rd one! A whole New York Cheesecake from Sweet Inspirations! Yumyum! hehe.. =) We were supposed to eat it there but I was "selfish" I wanted to bring it home whole. And as I write this, what is left is less than 1/4.. haha! =D

I stayed with her to watch their video she directed for their Lit Night. It was a cool and very entertaining video. It was a breath of fresh air from the series of reading and singing. Congrats block B! =)

Thanks Cal for all the surprises! I really appreciate them all! =D

My 3rd Decade on Earth

I just turned 30.

Before this day came, I visited my mom last Nov. 15. I didn't expect that I'd be crying really hard. I miss her so much, especially that my birthday was about to come. It was her who always made my birthday really special. I miss her hug and kiss and singing of happy birthday near my ear with a very soft voice. Then she cooks us her spaghetti that 2 kilos of it don't fit for us 3 siblings. We didn't grow up getting gifts for our birthday or even new stuff for Christmas. But mama cooking what we like was more than enough to make things really special. But while "talking" to her, it just dawned on me that my 30th birthday would still be special. I guess she whispered to me that and then I started to stop crying. And with that thought in mind, I managed to put a smile on my face as I left her.

Here comes November 23, 2009...

12:00 am - Kitty greeted me, gave me a hug and kissed me on the cheek and forehead. =)
12:02 am - Ate greeted me and sent me her 2-page birthday letter. =) she got jealous of Kitty cause she saw us through webcam.. hehe.. =p
12:05 am - I read Cal's birthday text and got her birthday gift from my e-mail. It was a mosaic of my selected vain pictures and she made my name with them in purple color amidst the pink background. I found it so cool and really like it a lot. =D

I was doing something that early morning that I finished around 2:30 and finally went to sleep.

Preparing for work...

The funniest greeting ever! Mommy goose was still so sleepy when she passed by me while I was putting on my make-up. She was standing by the door of the bathroom when I returned the dipper inside. Then, she all of sudden got startled and with wide eyes greeted me happy birthday! We were both laughing so hard cause it's like she all of a sudden got wide awake after remembering and greeting me. =) As an additional to her super advanced birthday gift (a pink and white UCB wallet), she gave me a set of stickers and a little pink Sto. Nino. =)

Before going to work, grandma gave me Birthday money as a gift.. =)

While in the cab on my way to work, kuya called and greeted me.. =)

School...

1. Students who saw me and knew it was my birthday greeted me as I passed by.

2. I stayed at the lab as I always do. Anton was the first to visit me but it was funny that he just told me some funny stories and not greet me.. haha! Kinalimutan ako ng anak ko! He left after telling me his stories and said that he might visit me again. =p

3. MK was my next visitor. She greeted me and gave me a letter and oreo cheesecake that she personally made. It was good and would've been better if it had less oreo, but I super appreciated it. =)

4. Then the person I was waiting for came (so slow kasi eh.. hahaha!). At first I didn't even understand if ate wanted me to go out or not. So I just stayed inside the lab. Then before she entered the lab, she asked me what I should remember about her gift to me and I said "looks can be deceiving." She then gave her gift in a big but kinda light box. She explained that she had to put some stuff so what's inside won't make a sound but it didn't quite work. Anton came back and I then decided to open the gift after ate said that I can open it already. I got my VOLLEYBALL! =D It is the one I have always been looking at Ralph's Sports everytime I pass by there every morning going to work. I hugged the ball after getting it out of the box.. =)

5. After the assembly and us teachers went back in the faculty room, most of them greeted me. Mrs. Sagadal gave me 1/4 slice of buco pie. It was so good cause it is so generous of buko and the crust was so tasty.

6. After printing what Mr. Alanano asked me to, I delivered it to him in his class at 4-A. They all greeted then sang happy birthday 2x, slow and fast version.. hehe.. =p

7. THE MOST UNEXPECTED.. I saw Mrs. Duran enter the gate as I was about to leave the school going to Kennedy vacant lot for my usual Monday monitoring of the Tissue Culture Grow-out Shed. I approached her and told her that I'm about to go at Kennedy. Then I said "Ma'am batiin mo naman ako", she replied "Oo alam ko, nakakainis ka naman, pinangungunahan mo ako. Sandali lang!". She was getting something from her bag while she were saying those things to me. I was just smiling and said sorry after what she said. Then she handed me a tiny pink bag with pearl earrings inside. She then said "Happy birthday! That's for you for being such a good person and a good teacher". Then she gave me a kiss on the cheek. I was so touched and for a second found myself speechless. I said thank you and smiled at her as I again told her that I'd go to Kennedy first. She said to replace the earings I was currently wearing before I finally left for Kennedy. When I went to her in her office to report back about Kennedy, we were able to continue our conversation. I told her about my visit to my mom and how much I miss my mom. I also explained why I told her to greet me cause I thought she forgot cause during the faculty meeting, she didn't pay attention when Mrs. Sagadal and Mr. Aquino were loudly saying it'll be my birthday the coming Monday. She was focused with Mr. Tabada who'll be turning 50. She said she knew about it that's why she had to make up for it and thought about me while she was shopping for pasalubong for her siblings. I again thanked her so much for I didn't really expect it.

8. When I went to 4-B to call for the dancers for their blocking rehearsal for the dance exhibition, they all sang happily. Kayne looked so cute while singing.. I can't describe exactly what he was doing while singing cause the rest of his classmates were just clapping their hands above their head while singing but his was different.. hehe.. =p

The day went by like the usual. I looked after the dance/blocking rehearsal of the tigers from 10:10- 11:40am. Had lunch with ate, anton and aj. Then I cleaned the wash area of the lab, washed 3 trays of culture bottles and laundried towels and rags. Saw jane by the corridor on my way back to the lab from the faculty room. She handed me a big card from 4-A who were my former "anakis". =)

After work...

I met with Kitty at Watson's in Vmall after I brought my shoes at Mr. Quicky for repair. We walked in Anapolis going to the MRT station. When we reached Shang, she made me go first at Shabu-shabu while she buy something at National Bookstore. I told her that I'll hit her in the head if she gives me the book "The Shack" as her birthday gift. When she finally got in Shabu-shabu, she sat across me not like the usual that she sits beside me. Then after we placed our orders, she asked me if she should give her gift already. Then she explained that her plan didn't push through. She said that she was supposed to get me "The Shack" as a decoy gift for it will carry inside her real gift. But since the book was out of stock, she just handed to me a short white envelope with someting inside. I was trying to see through the envelope but she insisted that I open it already. I don't know if Kitty noticed how wide my smile was when I saw that it was a gift certificate at Welsha Spa. She explained that at first she planned to just bring me there but she wanted to give me something on my birthday so she got me a gc.. =D .. She asked if I'm happy with her gift and with a wide smile, I nodded. She said she wasn't convinced cause I wasn't jumping up and down. But of course she was just kidding. I told her that it has been in my wishlist since my 29th birthday, and at last now. . hehe.. =) We plan to use it up during the Christmas break.. =)

When we got home, I opened neo and saw a lot of greetings in my fb wall. I planned to write my blog after reading the greetings but I was so sleepy already that I keep on falling asleep in front of neo. So around 11pm, I finally gave up the idea of writing my blog and instead just went to sleep.

Oh, I almost forgot those who greeted me thru text - Ms. Soqueno, Paul, Ms. Milante. Mrs. Dotimas and Mr. Inigo called me in my opis to greet me. =)

My 30th birthday has it's ups and a couple of downs but hey, it was a good day for me. Thank you to everyone who really made my day so special. *hug*

Thank you God for this gift of life that you gave me. Thank you for the 3 wonderful and very challenging decades and hopefully another 3 more decades to come of service to you.

No Right!

So I have NO right to just play and rest! When the househelp is not here, I'm the one who should take her place! BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wanna go home.. to my real home.. where I'm treated well and given the respect I think I truly deserve.

I wanna cry.. but even that I can't do cause it may mean showing weakness on my part. But the truth is I'm just really hurt.. so much! I can't even believe I have lasted this long being treated like this by this one person! And who does she think she is?! The boss of all the bosses?!

I'll be most glad to come back to my real home once my brother and I have finalized things up. I used to think so much of this foster family I have been with for years. Considering their situation is what make me hold on and not leave. I still owe them a lot and I will always be indebted on how they have welcomed me in their house. But I think things change and people show their real color when all I was and still is the same person the first time I stepped into this place. I just wanna think that things without me in this place will be better since they will be able to find someone they can boss around to do things here. Or they will be more independent enough to do things by themselves. I have humiliated myself and made myself feel so inferior of them when I know to myself I'm not like what they or particularly HER think I am.

I think it is not too late to regain my self confidence and my self respect the soonest I can get out of here! And when that time comes, all I wish for this family is the best of life has to offer for them.

Things aren't getting any better

Things aren't getting any better...

1. Ondoy did a lot of negative things to our country. Not only that he destroyed a lot of properties and took hundreds of lives. He also caused trauma to those who experienced devastating things cause of the floods and also disturbed classes in all levels in NCR and Region IV.

2. And while we haven't really moved on and picked up the pieces of what Ondoy did to us, Pepeng is up and running about being what they say is a super typhoon.

3. I have made her sad once when I got stranded. And while she isn't over it yet, "oops, I did it again".. I didn't hear from her for 56 hours and when we finally got to communicate again, I broke her heart again. Now, I can't again contact her. She must have been really mad at me right now. And all I can say is sorry.. I really am.

4. And the thing that she got mad at me about.. Oh well, I think it will never be a cause of our tampuhan or whatnot. Things aren't getting any better. I will never step foot there again.

5. Tatay.. he is battling with this curable illness PTB. He is in the starting stage wherein he was just been diagnosed with this for week. It's not really the illness that we are worried about, but his disposition in life. He used to be really a physically strong person. And now with PTB, he easily gets tired and he gets frustrated by it.

6. Work.. adjustments of schedule.. making us watch something that we didn't super willingly like.. rebuilding what was lost in the TC lab.. Never ending cleaning of the lab, but it never will be totally cleaned cause of the back area full of mickeys and roachies.. I can go on about this but I think in one way or another, these things will have solutions... eventually.

hay.. *sigh*

But even with all these not so good things.. I keep in mind and heart that things are going to get better... SOON!

NBA Asia Challenge.. A Fun Night! =)

I love volleyball more than basketball.. I got torned between an invitation of a friend to watch NBA Asia Challenge (her treat!) and to play volleyball with my previous students. Well, from my title, you know which I chose and I didn't regret it. Like what my friend said "it's not always that you'll get to watch NBA legends play against our own PBA legends, plus you'll see Alvin Patrimonio! "(he is my ONLY crush in PBA.. haha!)

So, after work last Friday, September 11.. I headed off to Gateway to meet Kitty. We met at Taco Bell and had dinner. I really got full with the belly heavy burito that I ordered.

Then we went to Araneta Coliseum.. By the main entrance, we saw the Gatorade Challenge. They give out free taste of Gatorade lime and you can fall in line to shoot some hoops and get some freebies depending on the score you'll get. Kitty and I went in line and waited for our turn. While waiting...

• We asked what are the prizes for every range of scores. Kitty wanted the towel so she's aiming to get 61 points. I wanted the bag so I need to score 50 points.
• I went to the baggage counter to leave my umbrella cause I need to even though I don't want to. The guy kinda annoyed me cause he was taking so long trying to figure out how he'll stick the masking tape on my umbrella that won't confuse him of the number.. For Pete's sake! The number I got was 69! I told him that no matter how he sticks it, it will still be 69!
• Going back to my line, Kitty and I just keep on counting the people ahead of us just to make sure that we won't be late for our game

It's our turn! I went first and sadly just scored 45 points, but yey I got a bandana.. hehe..=p .. Kitty's turn! She got 75 points and went to a 2nd round. Her final score was 121! (I forgot to take pictures of her while shooting.. sorry.. hehe..=p) ..She got a tumbler! Comments we've heard while we were shooting..

• For me.. The pectus of my ball is makulit.. it's side turn. (Dude I'm a volleyball player, shooting a basketball is just a kulit game for me.. hehe)
• For Kitty.. "ang galing, basketball player yata 'to eh" .. "tama ba yung score nya?!" (her score then was 99!)

We got our picture taken after the game and then time to go inside!

We got Upper A tickets seats E 309 1 and 2.. We had a nice spot!

We spotted right away Alvin Patrimonio during their warm up. Then I was surprised to see 2 of my 2nd batch anakis, Karl and Carlo!

Kitty and I took pictures of the players and had some vain shots of ourselves.. Kitty can't believe how big Horry is as well as Divac.. And I think Hardaway is familiar, but I can't really recall.. And the game starts..=p

Our team was on fire with Allan Caidic scoring triple-3 and even more! We led the 1st quarter 26-25..=p But as the game continued.. and ended.. NBA won over the PBA 109-86. It was a fun game and we didn't realy care who wins but just really enjoyed watching them.

In between the game was a TVbreak and the New Jersey Nets dancers graced the court with their moves and other tactics.. The fox was so cute too! (the mascot.. hehe..=p) I was owed with their dunk segment and liked their final dance to the song single ladies especially when the fox joined them.. hehe..=)

We didn't go right away after the game and just wathched the happenings on the court. Kitty wanted to take a picture of the empty Araneta but wasn't able to cause there were still some peolpe inside before we left.

We checked the souvenir stall and wanted to buy a shirt, but there's no size small anymore on the design we liked.

I got my umbrella and the guy who handed it to me kinda annoyed me cause he doesn't wanna let go of my umbrella. hmp!

Going home, I told Kitty that we just take a cab.. But she wanted to take the MRT.. It was already past 1o.. But then she was so convincing so I said yes. When we got to the station, the other side already had 8 trains when our train came but we weren't able to go in cause it was really full already. When one of the passengers asked what time the next and last train will come, the driver said after 30 minutes! Oh well, I blamed Kitty that we got stuck there. We just then bonded and made kulit with each other. Shared some laugh and serious talk once in awhile. Then when the train is nearing, i told her to stay near me so we can squeeze in. When we finally got in and I got home, I said to myself, I had a fun night! =)

I Lost My Phone

It's not the first time I lost my phone, and I bet those who have lost their phones many times than I (it's my 2nd time btw) will just give me a cold shoulder about this. Nevertheless let me tell you my 2 stories..

October 2001 - The first time I lost my first phone ever (Nokia 3310) was when I was on my way home from work. I placed it on my pocket but the phone chain is out of my pocket. Upon riding the bus going south (I go down in Guadalupe), there were some people going against my direction. While in a jeepney, when i felt my pocket and didn't notice my phone there, I just thought my phone is in my bag. When I got home and looked at my bag, my phone wasn't there. So I started to panic. I brought out all the things in my bag and searched every pocket it has, but none. My brother called it and a male voice answered. He said I can get back my phone if I meet with him by myself and pay him P2,000. Since that time I didn't have that amount of money and it seems so dangerous to meet up with that person who answered my phone, I decided to just let it go. The only frustrating part there was I just finished paying for that phone cause I got it from my co-teacher for 8 gives or 4 months to pay basis.

August 4, 2009 - On my way to this place, I took a cab. When my friend asked for my phone cause she needs to text someone, i then started to look for my phone. Not in my pocket, not in my jacket's pocket, not in my bag. Therefore, gone. My theory is I dropped it upon going down the cab cause I remember putting it on my lap, where my jacket is covering my legs, while i was preparing for the taxi fair. And since the floor of the cab is like rubberized, I didn't hear anything when I was going down. My friend really went through all my things in my bag, asked me if I got the plate number of the cab, and lectured me to next time check the cab if I dropped or left something inside before I close the door of the cab. Now, the frustrating and sad part.. My sweet pink samsung phone has a very high sentimental value. I first saw that phone was October 2007 ,and from there I adore it from the window and looking forward to December to buy it. First week of December, my mom was diagnosed to have lymphoma - cancer of the lymph nodes. Even before I can tell her that instead of buying my phone, we'd use the money for her treatment, she talked to me and said that I have to buy my phone, if not, she'll get mad at me. So even if I was having second thoughts of buying it, I still did cause that's what my mom wants. When I finally got it, the first thing I did was call her cause that time she was in Batangas. Then I set the welcome note, it says "This is for my mama". My mom went to heaven 22nd of December 2007. So that sweet pink samsung phone of mine was a remembrance of my mom among many other things. That's why I got really sad when it got lost. I told a friend that of course you'd still see me smile, hear my laugh, but i wouldn't get over of losing my sweet pink samsung phone.

Decisions... Choices..

Decisions are needed to be made and usually there are choices that go with it.

Lately I've been putting a lot of people down including myself.

I said no to an invitation to go to a friend's house..

I made the one person always there for me feel worthless cause I tried to hold back and not show how I really feel..

I'm at the point of giving up one of my best friends..

I feel like I am not giving my best in everything I do.. I haven't submitted my inventory report and lesson plan.. I'm missing the 2 CDs given by our Tissue Culture consultant.. I have piles of unchecked submitted homeworks and seatworks.. I have 4 recommendation forms that are unaccomplished.. I have not filled up the PEF folders of 13 GSP students in my 2 classes.. And I dunno what other things I need to accomplish.. *sigh*

Going back to my title.. decisions.. choices..

I'm thinking of going back home.. to the place where I am respected and loved.. I'm on the fast forward phase of losing my self esteem to where I'm currently staying. I know I have a lot of things to consider, people to keep in mind. I'm aware too of the pros and cons once I make my decision. At the moment, I'm still really undecided. I'm still looking and hoping for the brighter side of things, but I know I need to decide soon.. make my choice.. maybe another week.. Then I'll asses the situation and make my decision.

So for now.. I'll think.. wait.. hope.

I was sent home

I was already happy when I got pass through the temperature checkpoint in school. I don't have fever and they didn't ask if I have cough or colds. So when the person who checked nodded for me to go in, I smiled at her.

But when I went to the Personnel's office to have my off-campus signed, the lady who is to sign my form asked me something. She got surprised with my voice and asked me to go to the clinic. And the rest was history.. hahaha!

I don't really want to miss work cause I have tons of things to do. I brought home some of them so I wouldn't miss much.. But I'm more worried about my classes.. *sigh*

I got to chat with one of my college friends and he reminded me that "tao ka!" when I told him that I want to go to work. He himself just got well from flu and was absent from work for 5 days. He asked me if I'm taking vitamins and I said I'm lazy to drink med in general and his one word reaction.. "LOKA!" We ended our chat hoping that we'd soon see each other together with our other batchmates.

So how did I rest today? I finished in less than an hour my latest 204-piece puzzle. I hope to have it framed soon!.. Surf the net.. Eat dalandan and macaroni salad given by mk.. Listen to music.. Chat.. Text.. and sleep.

Tomorrow will be another day of boredom.. but I have my work to keep me company.. a call, text and other means for you to contact me will be really appreciated.

Rain

My friend and I were talking last night about the rain.. how it makes her sad and alone and lonely.. how it makes me feel so many kinds of emotion depending on my mood.

But right now, I blame the rain why I'm not feeling well.. =(

Anyway, going back to our conversation. When my friend again asked what is my perfect rain scene.. here's my reply..

I'm in a cabin and there's a hammock by the porch where I'm seated.. rain is falling to the sea.. wind is blowing my hair.. but I forgot to mention to her that with me in the hammock is my special someone.. We are hugging and just talking about anything. (It's not that obvious that I'm a hopeless romantic.. hehe..=p )

Rain...

Taking a Break

I've been working for almost a decade already and I've always enjoyed my work.

But this summer was different from all my summers in terms of work. I've never been this tired.

I'm currently taking a break from my usual "Summer Work" and is currently busy doing an academic task. But now I feel so tired too. I've been doing almost the same thing at the beginning of school year. But today, it seems so hard for me to finish what I need to when before I can finish it in less than let's say 3 hours at the most.

Then why now it all seems difficult?

Answers:
1. My Kuya and my best friend said it is cause I have this huge distraction which is the net. (my defense: I was already in the mood to finish it ASAP but when I read my previous entry and there was a part that my mom was mentioned, I all of a sudden lost my zest cause I miss her so much.. more and more each day. So to keep my mind clear, I went online and plurked about happy stuff)

2. I'm just simply tired. I've given so much of my time and myself at work. Now, I feel like my body is giving up on me, if not my body, my brain.. it is slowly shutting down. (I hope though that this will just be a today thing cause I can't afford to be like this when classes starts already)

3. I miss a lot of people.

4. I just simply need a break.

Wrong send...

It's not really our intention that at times we get to send a message to someone else. Then we send another message saying sorry for the wrong send message. In my case, it happened 3 times to the same person and the message is something that this person gets annoyed? or jealous? or I don't know.. hay...*sigh*

I don't want to promise that this won't happen again. But I'll do my best to be more careful next time.

Something Light and Hopeful..=)

Just when I was about to log out my plurk and facebook account early this morning, around 1 a.m., my attention was caught when Ducky just plurked and Pato is online in facebook. I instantly exchanged plurk with Ducky and chatted with Pato in facebook. But it was also Ducky who is in Pato's facebook so I signed in again in my ym account. And there Pato and I chatted. By the way, they are in Chicago that's why I got so excited when I finally saw them online.

Pato and I chatted about some stuff like her gaining weight cause the food there is really good. Me gaining weight cause I got sick for a week and I eat more when I'm sick. We also talked about her chasing her childhood dreams there when we get rich. We are going to have a house there and stay there for good since the lifestyle there is nice. (I used the word "there" 3x in that previous sentence.. hahahaha). We also talked about her mom and her friend.

I'm glad to have chatted with Pato and plan a bit of the future.. Something to be more hopeful about. =)

Getting Tired.. but still not giving up...

Time comes that we get tired..

Tired of the routines we do..

Tired from the mountain of work needed to be done..

Tired of waiting..

Tired of fighting..

Tired of talking about the same thing over and over again..

Tired of holding on..



I hope though that I will still have enough strength to do these things I'm getting tired of..

For the one's important to me..

For the one's I truly love..

I will still keep hanging on.. and still not giving up..

Wondering...

I'm just wondering when I'll have an entry that will be like light or happy..

I'm not saying that I'm completely sad and low.. I can still manage to smile and laugh my heart out..BUT..

But I feel so confused.. uncertain.. hurt and other negative emotions I can no longer put into words.. I can't even put into details why I feel this way.. I do know why.. can't just put them into words.

Funny as it may seem.. I'm so "talkative".. I always have something to say.. but now.. I don't know.

I am wondering when I can finally figure things out.. I mean, have the proper words to explain why I feel those sad emotions..

One thing is certain.. I can't have everythng I want.. When I thought I'm holding on so strong.. the one I'm holding on to has a "feeling" of letting me go.. ='(

Things are getting more depressing..

There are 4 people who matter so much to me and currently somehow the cause of my being really sad.. but I know that it's not gonna be like this always..

Kitty.. she's in the states right now and I miss her so much!

Dama.. she has hurt me so much! and I dunno until when I can stay really mad at her, but what she has done is something that I never thought she can do to me.

Ate.. things are getting really challenging for us right now. But rest assured, I will never leave you nor let go of you.. I believe that FOREVER holds true for our friendship, our sisterhood.

MK.. we can't have everything we want but we can be happy and contented with what we have.

I'm hoping for things to get better and I'm looking forward to that.. But now I know this things that are happening have to be dealt with. And it may take a really lllllllllllooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggg time for some of these sad things to be better. But I guess it's really like that.

And there comes the saddest word.. GOODBYE

I've been long struggling to be happy.. and everytime I'm near to having my happiness.. it just slips away.. I let it slip away.

And there comes the saddest word.. I never imagined it will be said.. but it was.. GOODBYE..

What is so good about it? What is so good of letting go when all it brings is pain? Why can't things be simple? Why does it seem like my happiness is so hard to reach?

I guess these questions will remain unanswered for a long time.. until I've healed.. healing takes time.. especially that with all these things that happened, the one i hurt the most is the one I love so much.. And I don't even know if that person has any idea how much this love is.

But then again.. it all goes down to this saddest word.. GOODBYE.. =((

Hurting.. Again..

I'm so close to being with the one I love but things keep happening that do not let me go after it. You see, I'm a kind of person who as much as possible wants that everyone important to me are happy and are close by me.. meaning won't leave me. It used to be my mom.. that's why in my past relationship, I gave him up cause she said so. Now she's gone, she gave me 2 angels to watch over me. I'm so happy with my angels and they really do their "job" really well. But in the process I get hurt as much as I hurt them. I understand what they want for me.. I know too that they want me to be happy.. to be happy in the right way. And since I'm the one who is wrong, I can't really fight for what I want. I can't really fight for the one who makes me happy. I can't fight for my happiness.. cause the harder I try, the more I lose.

To my angels, I'm truly sorry and thanks for being there. To my happiness, I hope you find the one who deserves you more than I do.

As for me.. I'm hurting.. again. And I don't know until when.. but I think time will heal me. I'll be ok.. I need to be ok.. Just please don't give up on me.

Outing in Fontana

It was fun going out and enjoying the summer. This opportunity to spend an out of town overnight at Fontana was made possible by Anjanette Tan and her family. There were 14 of us teachers and 2 students who came with us.

What made this outing memorable for me was the time of not sleeping. It's because I had a great conversation with Mr. Capistrano and Anj. Being a talkative person that I am, what's a bit surprising for me is that I'm the one who listened.. Just asked very few questions but not really talk and all to cut him out of what he is saying. It was also liberating to talk things out with him about some things he has in mind about me.. Anj and Sir Capis.. thanks for the wonderful time!

But of course, the outing wouldn't be really complete with all the fun we shared during the swimming and sliding and eating and singing.. =)

I'm hoping for more bonding activities with my co-teachers.. and with the Calatagan outing this May 18-19.. I can't wait to have a really good time.. =)

**

*quiet*

*hug*

*mwah*

These are things I'm left to say when all i feel inside is confusion and pain..

I really understand everyone's point of view. I try as much as I can to please everyone important to me. I wanna find my real happiness.. Happiness that everyone accepts. I will keep on searching for it.. but along the way I falter.. I stumble into the "wrong" side of the road. And it hurts everyone who gets involved, everyone who learns about it, everyone including me.

I made promises I intend to keep. I promised to be open and not hide things anymore and I started it.. slowly trying to get used to it.. but it takes time and timing as well.. It hurts to be accused.. It hurts to be labeled.. It hurts not to be trusted. But it was all my fault anyway.. I'd just have to bear with it.

I hope that time will make me strong and allow me to be the happiest I can, the right way.

Wherever He'll lead me, I'll follow

As one thing in my life gets better, another "mess" has just happened. But like what I told a good friend of mine, I'm positive about whatever it is that will happen. WHEREVER HE'LL LEAD ME, I'LL FOLLOW.

I have plans of staying where I am, but current events are telling me otherwise. It made me think, but the bottom line is, it is up to Him where He wants me.

Rest assured that I'll still be the best I am in everything I do and keep an open mind and open heart to things that can happen.

Future

I have never actually thought that I' be where I am now. The future I had in mind when I was a kid is far fetched to what I've become. But I never regret anything. I still stand to the fact that everything happens for a reason. He put me where I am now to be of service to Him. I just hope I'm doing it well.. =)

I'm actually more of a "live day by day" person. I let the course of events take me to wherever I'll be. But this afternoon as I was texting with blowfish there's one future I look forward to. It may be simple but is so worthwhile to look forward to. And I'll be super happy when it finally comes true. And like what we said to each other, no matter how long it may take to wait for that event to happen.. we will make it happen. =)

My Favorites

A bit random, but I hope you take time to answer this. I made the list while waiting for the time for my next class.. haha..

WHAT IS MY FAVORITE:

1. Color?
2. Food?
3. Type of Clothing?
4. Accessory?
5. Movie?
6. Book?
7. Flower?
8. Subject in School?
9. Facial Expression?
10. IM Emoticon?
11. Part of my body?
12. Past time?
13. Ice Cream Flavor?
14. Chocolate?
15. Thing to Collect (the most recent one)?
16. Type of Footwear?
17. Out of Country Vacation?
18. Out of Town Spot?
19. Part of the House?
20. Sports?
21. NBA and PBA Basketball Player?
22. American Idol Winner?
23. WIsh to do for myself (that up till now I haven't done)?

Selfish...

I think it all began when I wrote in my plurk that I was hoping for something sweet and special to happen on Valentine's day. What happened on my Valentine's day?

It started with ate and I chatting and greeting each other Happy Valentine's Day even if it's like 3 minutes pa till the clock strikes 12.. hehe.. =p Then slept around 2 am (I was just re-reading her blog and I lost track of time..=p)

Then I woke up at 5 to wake-up Kitty. I had hard time going back to sleep since I feel like she's not going out of the bed when she needs to be in school early for their group defense. 5:30.. 6:00, finally she got out of bed. Then after few minutes, she asked help from me to fix her hair and I initiated to put soft make-up on her. I was only able to go back to sleep around 7 am and slept till 10 am.

I was kinda excited for the upcoming prom. Took a bath right after I fixed my bed. Dressed up.. Ate brunch.. Borrowed accessories from ma.. Went to Ness Astillas for my hair and make-up (thanks to Lester for my make-up and Fritzy for my hair.. love 'em).. Then off to Edsa Shangri-La.. I was expected to be there at 2 pm but I was an hour early. I met with the other teachers at Basilan Room where they were having their lunch. Then, I accompanied Mrs. Duran to her room together with Mr. Andres and Mr. Sangco. After they freshened-up and all, they left me in the room to look after their things. But just after a few minutes, Mr. Andres went back together with the teachers from the Angeles Branch and Mrs. Milante. Then, I went back to Basilan Room with Mr. Andres and Mrs. Milante. I wrote the ranking of the Prom Royalties in preparation for the coronation night.. =)

Then the time to dress-up came. Mrs. Canet and I went together to the registration area. But before we did, we stopped by the photo corner (Mang Bob, I'm looking forward to those pictures)

Registration started as students kept coming.. It was so toxic there but we were able to manage.

Prom started.. Program went well.. Had time for free dance.. And the kilig moment happened.. not to me though..

Time to go.. went out with Marie and Erwin at Malate.. Drank Cali and Tequilla.. Danced and danced some more.. 4am.. Went to Monumento.. Had breakfast at Jollibee and we talked about a lot of stuff.. 5:30, brought Marie to the bus station going Bulacan.. 6 am.. I got home.. Had fun with all those.. thanks Marie and Erwin.

What has the title got to do with all that I've already written?

While Kitty and I were on our way to Shangrila Mall to watch a movie, I was really quiet. I was actually thinking. When Kitty was done eating and started talking to me, I then verbalized what I felt, what I realized.

I told her it was my first time to feel what it is to be a jerk. I could've made the "Night of Nights" better but I let my jealousy got the best of me.. I'm really sorry. I felt so selfish for I was hoping for something special and sweet to happen to me on Valentine's Day, yet I didn't do anything to make anyone's Valentine's Day special and sweet. And when it didn't happen to me, I got all jealous when it happened to a very close friend. I think I even kinda ruined her and another person's "happy valentine's". I was crying to Kitty when I was telling her all these, but definitely lessons were learned.

Marley and Me

DO NOT READ.. If you haven't watched the movie yet and if you don't want to get spoiled by this entry!

The movie is a "feel good" one.. Marley is so cute and he reminds me of my own dog named almost after me, Trina.

I got Trina for P300 (or my mom bought Trina for me) when I was 13 years old.. It's my mom's "teen" birthday gift for me. She was the only one left in the basket of this lady in Binondo. I found her really cute and I really insisted on having her. When we got home and was thinking of a name for her, what I had in mind was Trixie, cause I want the prefix "tri" to remind me of how much we got her.. pretty lame.. haha.. Then my cousin said, "Why not Trina" .. there goes the name. Oh by the way, she's just a mongrel (mix breed) but more of a labrador.. that's why Marley reminded me of her.

What else do Marley and Trina have in common?

1. They chew almost anything when they were young
2. They are both afraid of thunder
3. They wait by the door when they feel us near our house already from school
4. They both went to heaven "quietly"

It was May 1, 2000 when Trina left us, I really cried after we buried her in a vacant lot near our apartment. I tried taking care of other dogs after her but it seems like I never had the same luck. Probably cause I'm looking for her in those other dogs I had. I stopped trying after they keep on leaving me.

It was a real joy having Trina as my best friend during my teenage life.. And now, like Marley in the movie, she's in heaven playing with and guarding my little brother Jericho and my Mom. I MISS YOU ALL!

PS: Marley made me cry. My eyes were all red after. It was worthwhile watching it. =')

Tears just keep falling

Tears keep falling for a simple reason that all I do is hurt the ones I love. I didn't mean to, I didn't want to, but that's what happened..

Sure, I'll smile to show the majority that everything about me is ok, but I know I'm not fully ok. Don't get me wrong, I'm ok, just not fully. How I wish to find again that true smile..

I seem to be just babbling and starting to become senseless.. I'm honestly confused and tired.. I'm just hoping for better things to come..

But for now.. I'll just wait.. Wait till the tears stop falling already..

A lot of things...

Lately, a lot of things happened to me.. both good and not so good..

the good and happy ones...

• I was chosen to chaperon our student representatives for the Voice of Leadership Camp in Eugenio Lopez Center, Antipolo. I had fun, met new people and learned a lot. (Plus i got a pic with Chris Tiu.. =p). Enjoyed every moment of it..=) .. Good luck and more power to Volvo.. =)
• Ate moments.. =)
• Kitty moments.. =)
• Being able to relax by watching at least 1 movie per weekend (already watched 4 so far).. =)
• Catching up with my tons of never-ending work.. =p (as i finish one, three new ones come along!)
• Being able to sing again for Him during mass.. =)

And the not so good ones... =(

• The dad of one of my co-teachers passed away..
  
• I keep hurting the people who are very special to me.. and I'm really really sorry..
• It seems like I have no control of things happening to me right now.. that all I can do is break down and cry.. but even that I can't fully do cause I don't want the people around me to worry about me. I just hope I'd be strong enough to handle things that are happening and are yet to happen.

But no matter what comes along.. All I wish is for things to be better for the ones I've hurt.. And as for me.. I need all the help I can get from my friends and from Him..

Magkaibigan

This is the first movie I've seen for this year (My friend and I have planned to watch at least 1 movie every week as our form of relaxation) and it literally brought me to tears.

The movie reminded me of my own experiences dealing with the big C.. Don't get me wrong, I don't have cancer, but my mom had.. now she's in heaven watching over us.

It was painful to hear from the doctor the news but I had to be strong, can't show to my mom any tinge of fear and tear. I don't want to go to work after learning she has lymphoma, cancer of the lymph nodes. But she still made me go to work, probably she needed time for herself.

On my way to work, I finally can't take it, I called my best friend Tonet and started breaking out while I was in the MRT. When I finally got to school, I looked for one person, Mrs. Canet. I talked to her, thought tears won't come out anymore yet it poured out even more. I had to maintain my composure cause I still have class. In the faculty room, they noticed I was unusually quiet, they asked how my mom was, all I did was cry, then told them the diagnosis. Then, my students came to "fetch" me and saw I was crying. I tried hard to compose myself, but was unsuccessful.. My students were unusually quiet when I came in the classroom.. I think I tried to smile but when they asked how's my mom, in a very calm, cracking, crying voice, I told them..

A lot of other things happened after that and as what most know, my mom joined the Lord last December 22, 2007.

Going back to the movie.. I only disagree on one thing.. One of the characters said to his son when he asked whom he considers as his best friend and named a few, the dad said: "ok na marami kang kaibigan, pero dapat may isa lang talaga na kadikit mo" (not the exact line but something to that effect). As it is true that it's nice to have "bestest" friend as how the generation of today says it, we are not restricted to just one.. And to those I call my best friend (2net, Kitty, Crunch and Ate), promises I made with you, our pact to be here for each other no matter, will forever hold true.. =')

Christmas Break (Updated)

The Christmas break is almost over with approximately 28 hours (when I started writing this blog) till my next official time at work. Let me share with you some highlights or even details of some of the things I did everyday of my vacation days.

December 20

• I sang at OBMCI (yes I was there on a Saturday) for the mass before the Christmas party of the Service Personnel. stayed there for exactly 2 hours (8:45- 10:45).
• Went home first and waited for the decision of my original companion for the day. Unfortunately things didn't turn to our favor..
  
• Pato and I went instead in SM the Block by Edsa-QC. It's both our first time there. We looked for Adidas cause there is where she had the jacket reserved. It's her Christmas gift for me.. hehe.. =)
• The Bird Family attended the usual Saturday anticipated mass we go to. I sang with the choir. And this time became an official member of Psalm 100 Choir.. =)

December 21 -23 - Refer to my entry "Babang Luksa" .. =)

December 24

• Mommy Goose's 46th birthday
• We heard the dawn mass and had a breakfast celebration in the garden.
• After the breakfast, Pato and I stayed at Ma's den. We watched TV and then fell asleep.. =p
• Lunchtime.. Mommy invited us to go with her in Shang coz she's treating her friends from Tagaytay who are "brothers" and Fr. Albert. We ate in Trattoria.
• Pato worked using Ben-Q while I fell asleep on the couch after I wrote my entry "Babang Luksa"
• We heard mass at 9 then dinner at Ma's house then opened our gifts

December 25

• Early morning (around 3 am), Pato and I watched Blowfish through the webcam open my gift for her.. It was a nice sight seeing her really happy.. =)
• Afternoon.. we went to Loyola Park and Fr. Serge said mass for the departed members of the family.
• Dinner - Seaside at Macapagal Ave.. We ate a lot! (I love seafood) =)
• Dessert - Peninsula Manila - I had Sweet Strawberry Sensation.. it was really good! =)

December 26

• Around 10 am - I went to the parlor to get my hair rebonded with cellophane.. =P
• I also had manicure, foot spa with pedicure... I stayed in the parlor f0r like 7 hours.. got really hungry that I bought hotdog sandwhich in the nearby 7-11 and ate it while on my way home.
• Dinner - Banana Leaf at Podium. After dinner, I bought a gift for Ducky (#8 billiard ball microbead pillow by Sleepcare)
• Before we left podium, I bought caramel machiatto at Starbucks (I'm addict coz I'm collecting stickers.. hehe..=P )
• My best friend Crunch left for Bangkok this day. They left the house at 2pm; their flight is at 6pm.

December 27

• We just stayed at home in the morning and just left the house when we were going to church already.
• My first practice day with the choir. It went well. =)
• Dinner @ Lattize. It's a fine dining restaurant somewhere in Mandaluyong (or San Juan). It is where Ate Nic works as a chef.. =).. We were with Fr. Ed and Fr. Serge. I had honey glazed chicken.. =)
• Was able to talk to ate on the phone cause I kinda got mad at her cause she doesn't want to eat dinner cause she wasn't feeling well.

December 28

• Pato and I went to Paco Park for her history project. I helped her take pictures and interview different people in the park.
• We had lunch in Healthy Shabu-shabu at Robinson's Place Midtown. Went around for awhile then dropped by Starbucks (to collect more stickers..hehe) before we went back to Paco Park for more picture taking.
• We were fetched by her dad in Paco Park and drove us home. When we found out there's no one home, Pato and I went to Shang..
• We watched Dayo (it's a nice movie to watch, very entertaining. I had a great laugh while watching..=) )
• Dinner at the food court, we ate steak from Steak Escape.. =)
• We went to Sleepcare and bought a lime green square pillow for Pato's friend.
• We again dropped by Starbucks before we walked home. =)

December 29

• At 10am, I helped Pato's group in the baking of the cream puffs. I only stayed till I finished helping in pipping of the puffs; that was around 12:05 pm.. =)
• 1:10 - 7 pm - SHANG with blowf.. It was a very unforgettable and happy bonding moment with one of the special people in my life.. Thanks for everything.. =)
• Got my Starbucks planner.. =)
  
• Got fetched and accompanied Mommy Goose and Pato to the parlor for Pato's haircut.
• start of PUZZLE DAY! =)

December 30

• Just stayed at home, did and finished the puzzle that Pato gave as her Christmas gift using the puzzle mat given by ate as one of her 6 gifts for me this Christmas (spoiled ako kay ate.. hehe..=p )
• Uploaded pictures in my multiply
• Something new.. I slept before 12 midnight.. hehe..=p

December 31

• around 5:30 am - I got a text from Crunch.. Welcome back! =)
• slept some more after the text
• The "Bird Siblings" flew to Mega Mall and Shang for an afternoon fly-out.. hehe.. =p
• MEGA MALL
• Went to Puzzle Dazzle to have my latest puzzle framed (but I'll get it pa on the 12th of Jan.)
• National bookstore, Papemelroti.
• LUNCH - Sbarro - treat ni Turkey.. =)
• Video City, Department Store
• SHANG
• Watched Baler (I'm really no fan of history and anything related to it, but Anne Curtis was great and really pleasant to watch)
• Sleepcare.. We, in total, bought 4 microbead pillows as gift to whoever we have in mind to give it to. (I got a blue square pillow for ate's ate so she won't "pillow-nap" "Lil Sis".. hehe..=p)
• Home and waited for the time that we'll hear mass. (it was at 9pm)
• I cried after I had communion because I miss my mom so much.. =(
  
• Stayed at ma's house while we wait for new year. I did Juliane's confetti (my finger hurt after.. hehe)
• Ate a lot! As in!

January 1

• Watched Ate Nic light different fireworks.
• Called Japs who is in Batangas and greeted him Happy Birthday!
• Ate some more! haha! =))
  
• Bath then finished the confetti.. slept at 3am! =)
• DO NOTHING DAY! - disney channel
• Just stayed at home, watched TV, EAT.. hahahaha.. =))

January 2

• Juliane's 7th Birthday held at Phil. Army Officers Club inTaguig
• I had nail art, glitter tattoo and face paint! =) (got shocked and shy when the lady who did my face paint offered to do body paint on me. She would like to do lace bra on me cause she likes my cap size O.O)
• Ate a lot.. again.. =))
• DINNER - Abe at Serendra.. got sad cause a big fly went to my mango shake which I reserved for dessert, mango crepe..
• DESSERT (part 2) - Peninsula Manila - had Cafe Crumble.. it was good! =)
• Was a bit sad though cause my phone died by the time we got to Manila Pen.

January 3

• Got home around 1 am cause we waited for Kuya Og and Anne at Manila Pen. They came form the states.
• Bath. Wrote on my 3 planners. Uploaded pictures in multiply (my and Pato's sites). Dried my hair. Slept at 5am.. =p
• Woke up around 10am. Started working.. checked drill sheets.
• Church.. choir practice.. mass.. a bit sad cause I didn't sing well.. =(
• DINNER - Lattize - with Fr. Ikabod and the Bird Family.
• Home.. helped Pato inject fillings for their Cream Puffs.. till..

January 4

• 1 am.
• bath. And since my hair is still wet and I'm in the mood to blog... I've come to write this.
• I'll just update this after what will happen today. For now, sleeping time.. (sorry ate..)
• Woke up around 11am.. made kulit Pato to go out of bed na and prepare for our "movie time".. but with no success..
• We went out of bed around 11:45am.. had brunch and then mommy goose made yaya to watch "Magkaibigan"..
• I called Robinson's Galleria to check the showing time.. We made the 1:20 show.. =) (I went first to Starbuck before the movie and bought venti of caramel machiatto coz I've been craving for it since new year..=P )
• Cried a lot in while watching the movie.. Pato called me cry baby.. ='(
• Had merienda at Pancake house.. I had Roast Beef Special Set.. =)
• Went around the mall, got a bit sad coz the zipper of the dress I like so much in folded and hung is defective.
• Home.. just got the pillow for ate's ate then went to St. Francis Square.
  
• Met with ate and her ate for awhile.. =)
• Went to mega mall. I was just supposed to buy this exercise dvd (bump and burn) in video city. I went to folded and hung, no size of my dress.. =(
• Pato texted me to buy plastic hand gloves.. but before I did so, I passed by in2it. It's my make-up line and Leni Ann was so warm to me as usual so she was able to persuade me to buy my set of make-up.. Would you believe I spent almost Php2,500?! But it was a a great buy.. =)
• At the fx terminal, I made taray to the dispatcher cause he was grouchy when he asked me to move! I told him in mean voice that the place I'll go down to is not that far that's why I sat near the door.
• Home.. quickly changed then played basketball with Pato. As usual, I lost 18-30. We had free-throw shot of 5 sets of 10. ME - 6-6-7-7-4 (30/50) ; PATO - 8-5-8-6-7 (34/50)
• Dinner.. bath.. then this blog..
• I need to finish my power point presentation about the Reproductive System before I sleep.. =p

Those are the things that happened to me this CHRISTMAS BREAK.. =)