Things Will Be Different

I don't know why things should change when nothing wrong is being done in the first place. And since I can't do anything but follow, even it hurts, obedience is a must. But it doesn't mean that because some changes are needed to be done, the friendship and sisterhood that already exist will be broken apart. I think it will just keep on GETTING BETTER AND BETTER.

Hurting So Much

People see me smiling most of the time.. but I guess only a couple of who really see me can tell or know that I'm not totally ok.

They said getting hurt makes us learn and helps us become stronger. But while on the stage of hurting, we sometimes just can't do anything but cry.. and if we can't show our tears to the people we are trying so much to be strong for.. what else can we do?

Why am I hurting so much?

• I'm most of the time so tired from work cause I seriously have tons of things at my hands. Don't get me wrong, I love my work so much. The pain comes more from how things are sometimes when I get home. I don't mind helping, as in! I can give all I can no matter how tired I am... but... my all have limits too.. It's difficult for me to say no to simple requests or favors.. but.. please.. if I say no to something I can't do, don't tell me I'm MEAN!.. I do naman almost everything you ask from me eh.. but.. calling me mean even if you just meant it as a joke is NOT funny at all.. it really HURTS! And when I get grouchy from all the utos you have for me, yet do them anyway, don't emphasize anymore that I'm again masungit.. it's just my way of at least expressing how tired I am but still doing what I can for you, because you asked me to.. because I understand you.. because I'm just here for you no matter what.
• And when you say sorry and I don't accept it right away, please let me be for sometime.. I'm just trying to like recollect myself.. (before continuing this, I read the blog she wrote for me).. not that I am angry or what just want to save somethings for myself before I totally break down from all the pain I feel. Like what I said, I can give all I can no matter what.. and I'm not asking anything in return, just treat me properly and stop treating me like nobody.
• Another thing that is painful to me right now is how other people are pulling me and my Ate apart.. that it seems like a crime to have a friend that is not "the same" as I.. but come to think of it.. we are all human beings, there are a lot of differences between us, but we all need a friend/friends that we are comfortable with. Maybe it is unusual but it doesn't mean it's not possible and should be prohibited. Maybe I had history of familiarity but I can guarantee that I stayed and always will be professional to the vocation I vow myself to.

I just cried after airing my side to her, got a text message from her.. How do I feel now after the crying and this writing? ...

STILL HURTING SO MUCH

(PS: sorry if my entry seems magulo..)

Artworks

These are the drawings I was able to make while I was so bored proctoring for 2 hours... You'll see them one by one and the story behind each "artwork"

A Place I Want to Be

I don't know how to swim but I have this thing about beaches, or just simply looking at the blue waters. I feel this sense of peacefulness and tranquility. And when the cold breeze brushes over my face, I feel so refreshed and energized. The last time I got to experience this was when we were at Batanes, summer of 2006. Though the drawing is so sheepish, I think somehow I was able to express how much I miss to be in a place where I can enjoy the beauty of nature and be one with it.

Mhe

Sayang, the different arrows from "Mhe" going to the different words around it were not seen.. anyway, those are some if not most of the words that I can think of that describes me..=)

Feel free to add more or just simply react to whatever is written there.. =)

Abstract

I remember way back in high school, i used to draw shapes and just color them with any color that my hand will pick from my set of crayons. In this drawing, I intended to do the same hence the title "abstract".. Back then though, my youngest brother was the one who "sees" the figures I was able to form.. This time, as I was doing this I was able to accidentally form some figures that somehow means something to me right now.. do you see what I see?

Mural Hang-Over

I'm so determined to see the light already to the mural we are working on. It's not easy but I hope things will come into shape already now with "lolo" to help us with it.

What does my ugly drawing have to do with it? Well, our topic is Sustainable Urbanization.. and well, that's the "best" way I can depict it in ink while proctoring for 2 hours.. By the way this is the first drawing I was able to make for the day..=p

First Impressions

I'm so amazed at how we have first impressions on people we just met. They said first impression last, but I beg to disagree!

I have proven it wrong when I was in college when this pretty student in school seems so unapproachable, maarte and flirty. We were given a chance to work together for a certain project in the Student Council and we got to spend time with each other and get to know each other better. During the course of the project we became close and we told each other our first impressions. I told her I was wrong of what I thought of her because she is the exact opposite of what I used to have in mind, and so was she. She thought I'm this boring person and a nerd who knows nothing but study. We ended up friends and "chikamates" about things happening around us.

After 8 school years and still counting, I am aware that students have their first impressions towards me as I also have some of mine towards them. Some of them were able to prove me wrong while others, let's just say I kinda got them right. But don't worry, I believe more on the goodness in each one of us.

For those who would like to share what you think about me, feel free to let me know.. and tell me too if I was able to prove you wrong. Negative comments are very much appreciated too, cause that's how we learn and become better. =)

Healthy Shabu-Shabu

I haven't been eating well lately because of my toothache. But this morning, when mommy goose invited ma to eat in Healthy Shabu-SHabu for dinner, I was so excited and looked forward for the time agreed upon to come already. It has been quite sometime that we have eaten there.. it's my favorite restaurant. Why? It is the place where I get really full but without the heavy feeling.. it is satisfyingly great to feel that way. I always go out in that resto with a smile on my face. And the taste of the food I cooked for myself lingers so long even after i already brushed my teeth. Hay, how I wish I can always have this feeling of great satisfaction for eating healthy food. Nevertheless, the long wait of eating again in Healthy Shabu-Shabu is always worth it for it never fails to give me the same feeling I had the first time I got to taste their great food.

No Matter What

Such a strong phrase and it means a lot when said.

To the people i made a promise that NO MATTER WHAT I will be here for you, I will stay true to that promise.

August 5, 2008 - Sister's Day

I have this Red Ribbon Calendar and last August 5, 2008 it says there that is Sister's Day!

I feel blessed to have a new "Ate"... The friendship we share is so special cause no matter what we've been through apart and together, we stick to each other.. But it's more of her sticking with me no matter what my shortcomings and imperfections and flaws are. We made a pact to never leave each other and stay friends always, and like what i told her, i have all the pure intentions of keeping that promise.

I gave my ate a letter (cause that's all I can give) during the Sister's day and she was surprised with it, I'm happy she liked it.

I look forward to every chance we get to talk and share about anything under the sun!

To my ate, THANK YOU SO MUCH! I hope this blog gives you an idea how much I treasure our sisterhood..=)

"In good times and bad times I'll be on your side forevermore
THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR"

Names

This blog is inspired by my new best friend when one day we exchanged through texts the names our grandmothers and parents used to call us at one point.

Here is the list of names I have been called by my grandmother (mother's side), my relatives, friends and second family.

1. Maria Severina - this is my full name. A little bit of history (I hate history.. hahaha!) where I got my name. My mom is pregnant with me; one day my lola (Lola Candida- my grandma who I love so much!) told my mom "Mamatay na lang ako wala pang nagmamana ng pangalan ng nanay ko." My mom's reply: "Sige ma, pag babae ito (holding her tummy where I was!) papangalanan kong Severina." So November 23, 1979.. I was born and my mom just added Maria to the name she promised my lola. And from then till now, I'm Maria Severina Andrade Llanto.

2. Rhina - this is my nickname which my closest friends and co-teachers call me.

3. Neng - this is I guess the most common lambing name I'm being called till now by my relatives in Batangas and my Kuya Paolo.

4. Vina - this is what my Lola Dida used to call me. It's a sosyal version of "Binay" (the nickname of my great grandma).

5. "SEVERINA!" - in a high pitched, strong and firm voice. Before I was so scared to hear this cause I only do when my mom is mad at me. Now, I miss hearing it!='(

6. Diwata - this is what some of my high school classmates used to call me because of my very long wavy hair.

7. Bereng - this is what my best friend from college (2net) called me when we were one day making fun of names and what we would be called when we become lolas already. It was funny though because during the same year she gave me that name, one typhoon was named Bereng! Hay naku, just imagine our laughs that time!=))

8. Boo - from Monster's Inc., cause she looks cute and wears pink, she was associated with me by Pato from my second family. So they called me that. Juliane, their 6-year old cousin, calls me Teacher Boo!=)

9. Boocha - it's an evolution of "Boo", given by Ducky inspired by the car from a cartoon they watch - Booboo-chacha = Boocha!

10. Turkey - if you noticed, there is Pato and Ducky.. and I'm Turkey. Plus Mommy Goose, we are the Bird Family!=)

11. Little Sister/ Lil Sis - this is what my Ate calls me, but my ate is way younger than I.. haha!=))

12. Ms. Pink - for the simple reason that I love pink! That's what my co-teachers call me sometimes, especially when they borrow school supplies and other things and they don't get surprised but fascinated how I get to have those stuff in colored pink! hehe..=)

13. Pillow - given by crunch because I'm soft and nice to hug.

14. 6 - 11 - 14 - Numbers that my ate refer me to cause they have significant meaning.

In addition, here are other names i remembered and my friends reminded me of after reading the first post of this blog..

15. black beauty - this is what my grade school friends and choir members used to call me because of my complexion.. At first I was hesitant to be called as scuh because "Black Beauty" is a horse and I don't like to be a horse.. hahaha..=p

16. Tisay - ironic as it may seem, but our suki in the market who sells vegetables gave me this nickname as his way of teasing me. And until now, though we rarely see each other, but everytime we do, he still calls me Tisay.. I miss you Mang Danny!

17. Sev - this is the new name my new best friend gave me. It actually reminds me of Snape (I don't like him) in Harry Potter series. But its better than severe.. hahaha!=))

Oh well, I may have many names but there is only one me..