Babang Luksa

Last December 22 was my mom's 1st year death anniversary. My tatay went ahead of us in Batangas last Dec. 14 to look after the 9-day novena prayer. Then last Dec. 21, Kuya Paolo, Paul, Jasper and I followed. Here is the list of what happened last Dec21-23...

December 21...
> I heard the dawn mass at 4:45 - 5:45
> Mommy and I had breakfast in Conti's at Greenhills
> I went to meet my brothers in San Andres then we're off to the bus station in Buendia
> We stopped by goldilocks for the guys are hungry.. since I'm kinda addicted to starbucks (I wanna know how it feels to complete the stickers for the planner.. I already have a planner from Ate =) ) I took a jeep to buy us drinks from starbucks at Vito Cruz.
> Just listened to my mp3 while on the road, and was texting ate and crunch as well... and slept! =p
> When we got to Batangas
- we bought flowers
- arrived at Tita Precy's house, got settled, ate lunch.. slept some more! =)
- talked to ate on the phone after my long nap.. =)
- ate rice for snacks then watched tv while i text
- attended the anticipated simbang gabi
- bedtime

December 22
> I woke up 7:15 am, had my first cup of kapeng barako then took bath right away
> Had breakfast (got annoyed and hurt by one of my tito's comment when i invited him to have breakfast)
> Waited for the Bird Family with Vince and Fr. Serge
> They arrived 9:45, I led them to the prayer room where the mass will be held as permitted by the parish priest (thank you po so much)
> Got annoyed with kuya for being such a super slowpoke!
> 10 am - Mass for mama's 1st year death anniversary (THANK YOU SO MUCH FR. SERGE for the beautiful homily and for officiating the mass, BIRD FAMILY YOU'RE THE BEST! =)
> Prayer for the Babang Luksa.. I was asked to sit in the middle then they put a black veil on me, then white veil (in a form of a towel) as the magdadasal sang their prayer.. it took 1 hour.. (I kinda got annoyed cause I wasn't able to attend to my visitors and Paul and Vince even took pictures of me.. gah!!!)
> Once it was over, I went upstairs, talked to ate on the phone and ranted to her all that just happend, I was so sungit that time (sorry ate if I let out all my annoyance to you and thank you too for being there)
> We went to the cemetery to visit mama then there I ranted again to her the torture I went through but I did it for her.. I miss you mama, so much! I love you!
> SM Lipa
- We went around in different shops, I even tried a khaki pants in bench but didn't like the fit
- We went around some more to look for a place where we can get foot spa, unfortunately there was none.. =(
- Just Gift! I went inside to look for a bracelet, then the lady showed me this bracelet with alternate heart and cross charm! Perfect! The one I've been looking for for quite a long time already.. quite expensive.. good thing I have discount card.. I bought it as a gift for myself.. =) .. Paul bought a cross pendant while Japs bought earrings.
- Got sad cause there's no Starbucks (Why will there be one in the first place when they've got the best tasting coffee!)
- Early dinner - Yellow Cab - while waiting for our order, Paul, Japs and I went to the Supermarket and bought some stuff (I got myself V-cut and a can of Royal - those who know me will surely react on this.. =P )
- Back to Tita Precy's house

> Since I'm still full, I didn't eat at home anymore..
> Talked again to ate on the phone while I wait for the time for me to go to the church for the anticipated simbang gabi.. had my 6th cup of kapeng barako before I went to church.. =)
> From church, Japs, Paul, Teten, Judy Anne were playing Uno cards and made me join them, then Ivy, Charm and Jen joined us when they arrived.. I lost 2x when I joined right away that delayed my washing up.. Back to the game.. We had lots of laugh and teasing and eating and more laughing.. =) (but amidst all these, I'm super worried about my ate cause she's shocked and sad about "the news".. basta ate, dito lang ako)
> We slept 1:30 am - oops.. december 23 na!

December 23
> We got up from bed around 9:30 am
> We went to the following relatives to give our Christmas present since we'll be going back to Manila already in the afternoon..
- Kakang Ayot and Kakang Tinay
- Tiyo Ikoy and Tita Chie and Kids
- Tito Cesar and Tita Nelia and Kids
- Tito Insog and Tita Edna
- Tita Merlie and Noreen
- Tita Elsie and Tito Victor and Kids
- Tita Helen and Tito Laloy and Kids
- Kakang Belen with Vilma, Kuya Valdwin, Ate Beth and Kids
> Ate lunch then took a bath then waited for the slowpokes to get ready to leave
> Accompanied Paul in the market to buy 40 packs of freshly grilled coffee
> Bus going back to Manila.. slept.. woke up in a bus stop.. talked to ate on the phone while caught in traffic!
> 7:00pm - Home at last!

!@#$%^&*()_+:"? (In Deep Pain)

I've been sad lately because of my own fault.. I want to do the right thing but doing so I've hurt one person who is really special to me..

I'm trying hard to make things right and I need the help of the people around me for me to get through this all..

I still keep my word of being here for you no matter what.. I hope you realize that friendship is far more stronger than any kind of relationships.. So, I do hope that you accept my offer of being your best friend forever (cheesy as it may sound but that's the best I can be to you)

I pray that things get better soon.. and that I may be able to bear the pain of it all..

My 29th Birthday

I'm now 29 years old.. A lot of things changed from my last birthday.. some happy changes, some sad (very sad)...

Let me share first how my "celebration" went...

It started Nov. 21 when I met with Crunch in admu.. I was late cause it was kinda late already when the faculty meeting was canceled and it was a bit traffic too.. When I got there, we ate the snacks (?) I bought from mcdo (nuggets, fries and cheeseburger). Then she gave her gift for me, it was her painting of my name and things that remind her of me.. It's so cute and I appreciate so much the hardwork and heartwork she put in it.. Thanks a lot! =)

12 midnight and onwards till 12:45am.. people started to text.. the top 4 are:
1. Crunch
2. Ate
3. L.A. Oliveros
4. Pato, Shrimp, Kitty, U-sungay, Bluey, Bash-bash, etc...

I woke up around 8:30 and more greetings came pouring in.. Thanks to you all.. Kuya Paolo, Paul, Mommy Goose, Kes Ventanilla, Fatima Ornales, Ducky, Mr. Jandusay, Ms. Araque, Ms. Datu-Ramos, Hans, Erwin, Yjez Batulan (I miss you!), Ms. Milante, Mr. Tabada, 2net, Ms. Ysais. And those who greeted me through my friends: Cus, Abby, Coco, Pinay, Vince.

At home in San Andres, tatay cooked calderetang baka.. it was so good that I had 2 servings.. hehe.. We experienced brownout for like 30 minutes so when Kuya came, he and Japs played teken in their psp and when they were done playing I played tennis in Kuya's psp (I suck.. haha!).. When the electricity came back, we watched boxing and while doing so, Japs and I teased Kuya to buy ice cream. Then we ended giving our share (P100 - kuya, P30 - mhe, P20 - Japs.. hehe) then Japs bought the ice cream.. He got the new Selecta choco fudge.. It was good, Kuya got fascinated with the whole chunk of brownies in it.. hehe.. =p .. back to the boxing.. we all got sad for Rey "boom-boom" Bautista for he lost.. but while watching, I all of a sudden noticed that my bracelet is missing.. i kept looking at the places I've been in the house and when I can't find it, I just stayed in the chair and kept quiet for a long time. When I can't really bear the feeling of losing something on my birthday, I again went inside the room and re-traced the things I did.. then finally I found it inside the paper bag where I checked for the my hair iron.. Yey! =P

Then, around 12:45, Pato came with her dad and picked me up.. We went to Ayala Museum as one of her requirements in her history class.. Pato gave her gift right after we went down the car but I didn't open it yet. The bag is from the jewelry store we like but knowing that she really doesn't like what I liked from that store I was really curious what she got me (at this instance my EQ seemed to go up for I didn't open right away her gift and even include it in the bag I deposited in the museum safe). After paying for our tickets, we went first to the part she really needs to to view which is the exhibit on gold entitled "Gold of Ancestors - Crossroads of Civilizaton". But even before we finish the 4th floor exhibit where we started, she got hungry already so we went out first to eat (after asking if we can come back when we leave and till what time the museum is open). We don't have any idea where to eat so we just kept walking in Greenbelt 3.. Then we saw Cafe Bola so we went in. Pato remembered that Ducky said it's good there.. and it is.. I got Beef Bola on Pasta with parmesan and ham sauce. Then we had our dessert in Gelatone (it's my 2nd ice cream for the day.. hehe.. =p) and got myself a scoop of strawberry ice cream in cone. On our way back to the musem, we were asked by a lady from WWF if we have 2 minutes to listen to her about saving the earth. The first part of what she said kinda bored me cause I already know about it, what surprised us though is what she said about the drastic change in our weather condition wherein there was a snow in Baguio and hale in Camarines. We would so much like to donate but we don't have credit card for it. So the lady thanked us and just hope that we spread what we have learned. Then, before going back to the museum, we already bought our ticket for Madagascar: Escape to Africa the 4:30pm showing. Then back again to the museum.. We enjoyed going around the 4th floor. I was fascinated by the paintings of Fernando Amorsolo that are displayed on the 3rd floor.. We dropped by the museun shop and I liked the handmade pink stationery but its ki1nda expensive and I don't have extra money to buy it (sadness). We didn't go around anymore the 2nd floor since we've been there already before during our first separate visit. When we reached the ground floor, I already got my other bag from the museum safe and opened right away Pato's gift.. It's the earrings I like a lot from Gaea Crafts by Filigrinasia in Shangrila Mall =) ..On our way out, we saw another exhibit and Pato checked it out. She made me return my bag from the safe so we can go in. It was more of modern art and it's so nice.. =)

It was only 3:45 when we left the museum.. When we got to Glorietta 3, we played first in Timezone.. basketball and Daytona racing.. I sucked in shooting and racing.. haha.. =))

Then the movie.. It was really entertaining and funny.. I like Gloria.. hahaha!!!

We just decided to ride the MRT on our way to Shangrila Mall where Pato will buy the wallet she likes so much from Girbaud.. I treated her to another 2 scoops of ice cream from Gelatone then started walking going to the MRT station. We passed by Landmark, Glorietta and SM before we reached the MRT station.

Shang... We went to Girbaud, Pato and I chose from the 4 stocks of the wallet she likes.. After that, we went to Mercury Drugstore to buy her baby wipes (that's how oc she is, and wait till you get to hear more.. =p)

Walking home.. when we reached the village, it started to drizzle. Since we don't have an umbrella, we just walk fast to get home fast as well.. But while walking, Pato was teasing me on me "walking fast"..

Home.. we fixed the stuff Legendairy borrowed from Tita Heidi. Then, mommy and I placed strawberry ice cream in the remaining puffs. After dinner, Pato and I went at Tita Heidi's to return the things and gave them ice cream puffs. Then back home again, I washed up then fixed my bed, set-up neo and started blogging and chatting.. but mostly chatting..

Before my birthday ends, Crunch again greeted me.. she's the first and last person to greet me on my birthday.. =)

I slept around 1 am because I was trying to finish my blog (which I didn't.. hehe..=p) and also chatted with Ate and helped her a bit in reviewing about genetics.

Those are the things that transpired during my birthday.. but wait there's one more..

When 2net texted and asked how's my day, I told her it was ok but I miss my mom so much. She said, kuya and I had the same answer when she asked him the same question during his birthday last month. I tried so much to conceal my pain here at home but Ate nonetheless noticed it. It's my first time to celebrate my birthday without my mom.. I didn't want tatay to cook pasta for me cause it was during my 28th birthday that my mom last cooked pasta. I miss my mama so much!

But even with that very sad change, I'm still so much thankful to all the very special people that are in my life.. The Bird Family, Mommy Goose (thanks for the many advanced birthday gifts.. the precious moments jewelry box, pearl ID chain and a pretty key/bag chain), Pato and Ducky, and Ma too! - - Ate, you're truly a blessing in my life.. thanks for everything! -- Crunch, thanks for all the sweet and special things you do for me. -- All of you together with Tatay, Kuya Paolo and Jasper make my life worth living.. I LOVE YOU ALL!

Dear God, thank you for another year of service to You. Thank you for giving me all the wonderful people who care and love me as much as I care and love them. THANK YOU for everything! =')

Bad (?) Habit

I have this old bad (?) habit that i again tried doing on my way home.. I only have one favorite junk food and soda that when I have them together I really feel good after; its V-Cut and Royal Tru-Orange.. hehe..

I'm wondering why I tried it again though.. But while I enjoy eating my V-cut (the big one for that matter) and drinking my Royal in can (using a straw.. haha) I felt like I was back in high school when I do that almost everyday.. I had mixed emotions though after I finished eating and drinking.. I felt good but at the same time more confused..

Pato's only reaction when I told her about it was "ok".. But ate got worried and all.. and when she said I'm obviously depressed, I told her that I'm still in denial about that.. Sorry Crunch if I didn't tell you about it cause you seem to be having a nice time cleaning your room that I don't want to ruin your day..

I know why I wanted to try my old bad (?) habit.. I know I'm kinda depressed, helpless... but this is the perfect time to keep the reasons to myself and just leave everything in good fate that everything will turn out ok with my mouth shut. So better not ask anymore the reasons for all these.. Please respect my choice of keeping these to myself.. thanks in advance..

By the way, what's with the "bad (?)" ?.. cause I'm not really sure whether it's a bad thing to do.. hehe.. =p

It's my choice

People may affect us so much on the decisions we have to make. Sometimes, it's even other people that makes us decide to do something we don't really want to. But hey, why should that be? Yes, there are a lot of things we have to consider when we decide on something, but the decision will be made by just one person.. YOU! (or me).. I dunno if I'm making any sense, but what I'm trying to drive at is that IT'S MY CHOICE that will eventually really matter. In the first place, I think I can stand for any of the decisions I'll make and it's me who will face the consequences of my choices in life... So to the people I gave my word that I'm here to stay and never leave you.. that will forever hold true!

Hay...

Why does a great day for me always have to end so sad?

I don't even know how to continue this blog without hurting anyone cause i feel like there has been a lot of hurting that happened already... I'll bear all the pain to keep the people i love safe and happy.. but until when can I carry the burden of getting hurt?

Another Set of Art Works

Quarter exams -- another chance to doodle and draw.. hehe.. Here are some of my "artworks".. hehe.. :p


THOUGHTS.. guess why are those in my mind and what for..


Meet the Sea Creatures Family and Pet.. Guess who am I..=p


My bestfriend and I in our different names.. these are just few of them.. hehe.. =)

Cannot Please Everybody... When Will I be Truly Happy?

As much as most, if not all, people always see me happy and smiling, there are also times that I break down and cry especially during the times when I'm alone...

Since high school I already know that I cannot please everybody and that the only one we are really supposed to please is God. But it never stopped me from hoping that I at least please the people important to me and make them happy. And just very recently, it dawned on me that I can't make this happen.. that even I try the best that I can to make the important people in my life happy, the more I fail... When I make some"one" really happy, some"two" become sad and vice versa!

Nevertheless.. I won't stop trying.. =')

What Rhina Means

Got this from somewhere:
(http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyournameshiddenmeaningquiz/results/?result=Rhina) .. and i would be very happy if you comment about it.. hehe.. =)


You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic “Type A” personality.

I'll Be Back with a "Vengeance"

After 5 days of rest, I now feel all fully charged to face again what i have left in school.. the tons of work I need to accomplish.

I'm so thankful to my co-teachers who wished me well. Most special and many thanks to Ms. Ysais and Mr. Sahagun who took care of my class during my absence.. I hope to return the favor in some ways.

Missing classes is hard but I'll be back with a "vengeance" (i borrowed that line from Mr. Aquino.. =p) and make sure that things are going to be ok and everything we have scheduled to do will be done.

See you all in school tomorrow.. =)

Skipping School

It's not really in my system to be absent in school cause I always keep in mind my students who need me (at least I think they do) and how hard it is to catch up missed sessions. But for 2 days and during the days I have tons of classes, I have been absent cause of fever (probably cause of the infection in my gum caused by my tooth) and toothache. I already consulted the dentist who put pasta in my tooth and said that since my gum is swollen, I have to take first antibiotics for 7 days, do not eat seafood (which I did [konti lang naman eh] last Tuesday night) and be back the following week.

But I don't have a choice though.. "health is more important" than anything else.. I was able to come to school for the first two days of the week but most of the time, I was sleeping cause I feel so WEAK and really in pain.

I have tons of work to do, a lot of things to worry and some special people I miss so much. But for now, I'll focus first on getting well so the people who care for me won't worry too much anymore.

A LOT OF THINGS

A lot of things happened from the last blog I have written.. Some I already forgot.. Some I'd rather forget but can't.. Some I truly cherish..

I obviously can't write about those I already forgot so let me just move on to some I'd rather forget but can't...

• How some people have "malicious eyes" that they put "very colorful" meanings to what they see.. And how they stand to what they "see" not knowing that in the end they will be the one who will be embarrassed but they can still think of a palusot and still believe the "lies they 'saw' ".. whew!
  
• How painful it is to be continuously being pulled apart to the people I hold very close and dear to my heart..
• How I've been so gullible trusting people that can't be trusted pala.. All the while I thought he is my friend, but it turns out that he is the one feeding her "highness" with information based from what his "malicious eyes" see.. hay naku talaga...........
• Waahhhh... my precious moments puzzle in Puzzle Dazzle is gone... =((
  
• WORK WISE... the tons of things I need to finish... of course I can't forget all those no matter how much I want to... hahaha... =)) .. just trying to lighten up the mood cause I'll be going now to the brighter side of the happenings in my life...

Some things I truly cherish...

• August 24, 2008 - after Pato and her groupmates tried baking their ice cream puffs (which btw tastes good, buy them once they release it in the market), Pato and I went to my house where the cable network is destiny that has solar sports and basketball tv so Pato can watch the replay of the gold medal match for basketball between USA and Spain. I didn't care that much on the basketball match but what I cherish so much was the look in Pato's face when she first heard then saw the game on. And also, I love so much tatay's cooking, he cooked ginataang tilapia that day without having any idea that Pato and I will be dropping by. I was really full, happy and satisfied that night!=)
  
• August 27, 2008 - I was given an opportunity to accompany Amb. Preciosa Soliven in Shangrila Cinema to watch a silent movie entitled "Cascading Threads of Water" (will check later for the exact title).. It's a Japanese movie made during the year 1933. You might think that it's boring and stuff, but surprisingly it wasn't. Before I continue with the film, just want to share first that I liked the spinach sauced pasta and veggie meatloaf I had as an early dinner at Amb. Soliven's house.. hehe.. Going back now to the movie.. On our way to Shangrila mall, Amb. Soliven said she might fall asleep while watching the movie cause she's quite tired and sleepy already.. When we got to the mall, they weren't allowing yet audience to enter the cinema house cause they were still preparing some things inside.. Amb. Soliven wanted a hot drink so I led us (btw, we were also with Mr. Ruales) to Starbucks, all 3 of us ordered Caramel Mochiatto.. hehe.. then before going inside the movie house, Amb. Soliven saw Mr. and Mrs. Frankie Sionil Jose... I got so excited and starstrucked seeing in person one of our national artists for literature.. I read one of his many novels "The Viajero" that I love so much, that I didn't put down till I finish reading it.. Anyway, when we were already watching the movie, Amb. Soliven and I kept on sharing our thoughts about what is happening in the movie, but above all, we both enjoyed the live musical score performed by our very own musicians, THEY WERE REALLY GREAT! The story was interesting, the music was great, therefore both Amb. Soliven and I enjoyed the movie and didn't fall asleep (I can't tell about how Mr. Ruales find the movie cause he was on the other side of Amb. Soliven). Going out of the mall, Amb. Soliven offered to bring me home but I insisted on just walking since my house is just really a walking distance from Shang..
• Other movies I watched and liked a lot for a lot of reasons I can't enumerate.. haha.. Star Wars: The Clone Wars and Wall-E..
• Coffee break (?) - "excuse me, I'll just get some magazines" .. hahahahaha!!!!
• Powerbooks.. how many times did we go around and just look around... hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• August 30 - DLSU-Taft - with Mr. Alanano, Mrs. Sagadal, Charles Hernandez, Vamie Marcos, Jancel Jayson, Julienne Santos, Maha Fayoumi, Jannica Bucao, Storm Sarmiento, Robert Santos, Bryan Hernandez, (i think I forgot someone but I can't remember who he/she is... waaahhh... memory gap!!!!!!!) - why were we in DLSU? Cause of the Chemistry Challenge.. What I enjoyed so much though were the seminars that were so much about what I love.. biology.. bit more on biotechnology and genetic engineering (will check later or soon the names of the speakers and the titles of their talk). Btw, who won in the contest? I seriously didn't bother that much on the contest proper that I didn't also even bother to know from what school the winner is from, basta singkit yung nanalo.. hahahaha!!!!!
• SCIENCE IN THE KITCHEN - sometimes I wish I don't write nice calligraphy.. but they say I do.. so.. I wrote all the texts of the 6 (uy 6, wala lang.. hahaha!!!!!!) posters displayed during the Science in the Kitchen exhibit.. I had to be "isolated" in the gym for 2 days and not attend to my classes just to finish writing and helping out in the lay-out of the posters. (Thank you Ms. Ysais and Mr. Sahagun for taking over my classes). Mr. Tabada and Ms. Tanyag are the great artists that made the drawings and other stuff.. The Science Teachers headed by Mrs. Sagadal, Mr. Alanano, Mr. Aquino, Ms. Ysais and I (I helped in painting the two red round styro.. hahaha) made the big molecular structures of water, ammonia, glucose, alanine and the "4 keys to the universe". Other teachers helped too in the final setting up of the posters and others the night of Sept. 3 - Mrs. Dotimas, Mrs. Sagadal, Mr. Andres, Mrs. Mariano, Ms. Dizon, Ms. Celestino, Mrs. Apo, Ms. Ysias, Mr. Alanano and even Mrs. Duran. 13 (uy 13 naman..) of us had dinner at Jollibee treated by Mrs. Duran.. who were we? Mrs. Duran, Ms. Araque, Ms. Tanyag, Mrs. Apo, Mrs. Sagadal, Ms. Dizon, Mrs. Mariano, Mr. Tabada, Mr. Andres, Mr. Alanano, Ms. Ysais, Ms. Celestino and myself.
• August 31 - Loyola Cemetery for Xyza's birthday, Lunch at The Old Spaghetti House in Katipunan, watched Wall-E in shang, then shopped for 2 dresses, laptop bag and other stuff for Pato... (from shang we went to mega mall then back in shang).. Landes and Hobbes, i saw another puzzle I like, I hope by the time I have extra money, I'll ge to buy it, it's my favorite disney princess, Ariel.. *sigh*.. Why is shopping something I cherish? Cause I don't really get to shop for myself cause I always prioritize the budget at home and Japs' school needs.. not that I'm complaining, I like what I'm doing, but I really cherish the moments that I get to "spoil" myself, cause it's really rare that i get to have extra money for myself.. =)

Oh well.. I think there are more that I can write but that's it for now.. this entry has gone a long way already... till my next entry.

Things Will Be Different

I don't know why things should change when nothing wrong is being done in the first place. And since I can't do anything but follow, even it hurts, obedience is a must. But it doesn't mean that because some changes are needed to be done, the friendship and sisterhood that already exist will be broken apart. I think it will just keep on GETTING BETTER AND BETTER.

Hurting So Much

People see me smiling most of the time.. but I guess only a couple of who really see me can tell or know that I'm not totally ok.

They said getting hurt makes us learn and helps us become stronger. But while on the stage of hurting, we sometimes just can't do anything but cry.. and if we can't show our tears to the people we are trying so much to be strong for.. what else can we do?

Why am I hurting so much?

• I'm most of the time so tired from work cause I seriously have tons of things at my hands. Don't get me wrong, I love my work so much. The pain comes more from how things are sometimes when I get home. I don't mind helping, as in! I can give all I can no matter how tired I am... but... my all have limits too.. It's difficult for me to say no to simple requests or favors.. but.. please.. if I say no to something I can't do, don't tell me I'm MEAN!.. I do naman almost everything you ask from me eh.. but.. calling me mean even if you just meant it as a joke is NOT funny at all.. it really HURTS! And when I get grouchy from all the utos you have for me, yet do them anyway, don't emphasize anymore that I'm again masungit.. it's just my way of at least expressing how tired I am but still doing what I can for you, because you asked me to.. because I understand you.. because I'm just here for you no matter what.
• And when you say sorry and I don't accept it right away, please let me be for sometime.. I'm just trying to like recollect myself.. (before continuing this, I read the blog she wrote for me).. not that I am angry or what just want to save somethings for myself before I totally break down from all the pain I feel. Like what I said, I can give all I can no matter what.. and I'm not asking anything in return, just treat me properly and stop treating me like nobody.
• Another thing that is painful to me right now is how other people are pulling me and my Ate apart.. that it seems like a crime to have a friend that is not "the same" as I.. but come to think of it.. we are all human beings, there are a lot of differences between us, but we all need a friend/friends that we are comfortable with. Maybe it is unusual but it doesn't mean it's not possible and should be prohibited. Maybe I had history of familiarity but I can guarantee that I stayed and always will be professional to the vocation I vow myself to.

I just cried after airing my side to her, got a text message from her.. How do I feel now after the crying and this writing? ...

STILL HURTING SO MUCH

(PS: sorry if my entry seems magulo..)

Artworks

These are the drawings I was able to make while I was so bored proctoring for 2 hours... You'll see them one by one and the story behind each "artwork"

A Place I Want to Be

I don't know how to swim but I have this thing about beaches, or just simply looking at the blue waters. I feel this sense of peacefulness and tranquility. And when the cold breeze brushes over my face, I feel so refreshed and energized. The last time I got to experience this was when we were at Batanes, summer of 2006. Though the drawing is so sheepish, I think somehow I was able to express how much I miss to be in a place where I can enjoy the beauty of nature and be one with it.

Mhe

Sayang, the different arrows from "Mhe" going to the different words around it were not seen.. anyway, those are some if not most of the words that I can think of that describes me..=)

Feel free to add more or just simply react to whatever is written there.. =)

Abstract

I remember way back in high school, i used to draw shapes and just color them with any color that my hand will pick from my set of crayons. In this drawing, I intended to do the same hence the title "abstract".. Back then though, my youngest brother was the one who "sees" the figures I was able to form.. This time, as I was doing this I was able to accidentally form some figures that somehow means something to me right now.. do you see what I see?

Mural Hang-Over

I'm so determined to see the light already to the mural we are working on. It's not easy but I hope things will come into shape already now with "lolo" to help us with it.

What does my ugly drawing have to do with it? Well, our topic is Sustainable Urbanization.. and well, that's the "best" way I can depict it in ink while proctoring for 2 hours.. By the way this is the first drawing I was able to make for the day..=p

First Impressions

I'm so amazed at how we have first impressions on people we just met. They said first impression last, but I beg to disagree!

I have proven it wrong when I was in college when this pretty student in school seems so unapproachable, maarte and flirty. We were given a chance to work together for a certain project in the Student Council and we got to spend time with each other and get to know each other better. During the course of the project we became close and we told each other our first impressions. I told her I was wrong of what I thought of her because she is the exact opposite of what I used to have in mind, and so was she. She thought I'm this boring person and a nerd who knows nothing but study. We ended up friends and "chikamates" about things happening around us.

After 8 school years and still counting, I am aware that students have their first impressions towards me as I also have some of mine towards them. Some of them were able to prove me wrong while others, let's just say I kinda got them right. But don't worry, I believe more on the goodness in each one of us.

For those who would like to share what you think about me, feel free to let me know.. and tell me too if I was able to prove you wrong. Negative comments are very much appreciated too, cause that's how we learn and become better. =)

Healthy Shabu-Shabu

I haven't been eating well lately because of my toothache. But this morning, when mommy goose invited ma to eat in Healthy Shabu-SHabu for dinner, I was so excited and looked forward for the time agreed upon to come already. It has been quite sometime that we have eaten there.. it's my favorite restaurant. Why? It is the place where I get really full but without the heavy feeling.. it is satisfyingly great to feel that way. I always go out in that resto with a smile on my face. And the taste of the food I cooked for myself lingers so long even after i already brushed my teeth. Hay, how I wish I can always have this feeling of great satisfaction for eating healthy food. Nevertheless, the long wait of eating again in Healthy Shabu-Shabu is always worth it for it never fails to give me the same feeling I had the first time I got to taste their great food.

No Matter What

Such a strong phrase and it means a lot when said.

To the people i made a promise that NO MATTER WHAT I will be here for you, I will stay true to that promise.

August 5, 2008 - Sister's Day

I have this Red Ribbon Calendar and last August 5, 2008 it says there that is Sister's Day!

I feel blessed to have a new "Ate"... The friendship we share is so special cause no matter what we've been through apart and together, we stick to each other.. But it's more of her sticking with me no matter what my shortcomings and imperfections and flaws are. We made a pact to never leave each other and stay friends always, and like what i told her, i have all the pure intentions of keeping that promise.

I gave my ate a letter (cause that's all I can give) during the Sister's day and she was surprised with it, I'm happy she liked it.

I look forward to every chance we get to talk and share about anything under the sun!

To my ate, THANK YOU SO MUCH! I hope this blog gives you an idea how much I treasure our sisterhood..=)

"In good times and bad times I'll be on your side forevermore
THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR"

Names

This blog is inspired by my new best friend when one day we exchanged through texts the names our grandmothers and parents used to call us at one point.

Here is the list of names I have been called by my grandmother (mother's side), my relatives, friends and second family.

1. Maria Severina - this is my full name. A little bit of history (I hate history.. hahaha!) where I got my name. My mom is pregnant with me; one day my lola (Lola Candida- my grandma who I love so much!) told my mom "Mamatay na lang ako wala pang nagmamana ng pangalan ng nanay ko." My mom's reply: "Sige ma, pag babae ito (holding her tummy where I was!) papangalanan kong Severina." So November 23, 1979.. I was born and my mom just added Maria to the name she promised my lola. And from then till now, I'm Maria Severina Andrade Llanto.

2. Rhina - this is my nickname which my closest friends and co-teachers call me.

3. Neng - this is I guess the most common lambing name I'm being called till now by my relatives in Batangas and my Kuya Paolo.

4. Vina - this is what my Lola Dida used to call me. It's a sosyal version of "Binay" (the nickname of my great grandma).

5. "SEVERINA!" - in a high pitched, strong and firm voice. Before I was so scared to hear this cause I only do when my mom is mad at me. Now, I miss hearing it!='(

6. Diwata - this is what some of my high school classmates used to call me because of my very long wavy hair.

7. Bereng - this is what my best friend from college (2net) called me when we were one day making fun of names and what we would be called when we become lolas already. It was funny though because during the same year she gave me that name, one typhoon was named Bereng! Hay naku, just imagine our laughs that time!=))

8. Boo - from Monster's Inc., cause she looks cute and wears pink, she was associated with me by Pato from my second family. So they called me that. Juliane, their 6-year old cousin, calls me Teacher Boo!=)

9. Boocha - it's an evolution of "Boo", given by Ducky inspired by the car from a cartoon they watch - Booboo-chacha = Boocha!

10. Turkey - if you noticed, there is Pato and Ducky.. and I'm Turkey. Plus Mommy Goose, we are the Bird Family!=)

11. Little Sister/ Lil Sis - this is what my Ate calls me, but my ate is way younger than I.. haha!=))

12. Ms. Pink - for the simple reason that I love pink! That's what my co-teachers call me sometimes, especially when they borrow school supplies and other things and they don't get surprised but fascinated how I get to have those stuff in colored pink! hehe..=)

13. Pillow - given by crunch because I'm soft and nice to hug.

14. 6 - 11 - 14 - Numbers that my ate refer me to cause they have significant meaning.

In addition, here are other names i remembered and my friends reminded me of after reading the first post of this blog..

15. black beauty - this is what my grade school friends and choir members used to call me because of my complexion.. At first I was hesitant to be called as scuh because "Black Beauty" is a horse and I don't like to be a horse.. hahaha..=p

16. Tisay - ironic as it may seem, but our suki in the market who sells vegetables gave me this nickname as his way of teasing me. And until now, though we rarely see each other, but everytime we do, he still calls me Tisay.. I miss you Mang Danny!

17. Sev - this is the new name my new best friend gave me. It actually reminds me of Snape (I don't like him) in Harry Potter series. But its better than severe.. hahaha!=))

Oh well, I may have many names but there is only one me..

Just at Home

I'm just at home today.. resting.

I had my tooth extracted yesterday and at first it didn't hurt cause the anesthesia was still at work. Although I kinda felt a little the tooth being removed, i didn't know that it was already extracted after few minutes. I even waited longer for the dentist to come than having my tooth removed. I felt weak after. While going home, I saw four of my previous students from batch 2005- Marla, Micah, Lar and Karra (welcome home!), they noticed that i looked harrased, I explained why... By the way, I find it sweet when Micah was so excited to have our picture taken so she could tease the others who didn't come with them. Guys, I MISS YOU ALL SO MUCH!

I just slept when I got home.. had hard time eating cause I can taste the blood.. Late that night, I was already thinking whether I go to work or just rest... You can now tell what my decision was..

Now, I feel kinda better although i still have slight fever. My gums bled again but it doesn't hurt as much as last night when the anesthesia lost its effect.

I was able to finish some work (checked drill sheet #1, and the results were ?#$@%&!*) and about to work some more.

Just at home resting?!

Igme's Fault

July 28, 2008 - NO CLASSES GRADE SCHOOL AND HIGH SCHOOL

I was both thankful and a bit worried about this announcement. I'm thankful because I wasn't feeling well yesterday, my tooth cracked and I had fever. I can sleep some more and go to the dentist in the afternoon or so.. Worried cause of my classes, 2B will again lose 2 hours and they are kinda behind my other classes.. *sigh*

I'm at Netopia in Greenhills while writing this blog.. What am I doing in Greenhills?

* I went first in Mega Mall where I had my prophylaxis (I'm not sure of the spelling! haha..) before hoping that they can accommodate me even I don't have appointment. Sad to say they are full today and they only have one dentist.

*So I opted to go to Greenhills. But the dentist won't be in till 2 pm.. What am I to do for 2 hours? I decided to rent here in Netopia.. Chat with my ate.. Look for more pictures I can use for my report.. And write this blog since I'm already running out of things to keep me from getting bored.

* I still have like 45 minutes left to wait... before my tooth will be extracted...

I'm actually sad about this tooth extraction because it is obvious that a tooth is missing when i smile... I won't be smiling that much anymore.. People like pa naman when I'm smiling... hay... I just need to save up money for a fixed bridge.. I hope I be able to do that soon..

By the way, how is everything's Igme's fault? I don't know.. just looking for someone to blame..

I'm now so serious to lose weight!!!

I'm now so serious to lose weight!

I was looking through the site of one of my contacts in multiply to get pictures that I can include for my report. I'm so thankful that most of the pictures I need are there. And as i go through each picture, there are some that has me in it, and I was seriously fat and ugly! Waaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! I don't want to be like that fat anymore.

I already kinda lost weight but i still have to lose some more.. I want my tummy and arms to be toned...

But since I don't go to the gym anymore unlike last summer, I just have to make sure that I stick to my diet (less or no rice) and continue on my walking exercise.. I love Annapolis! =)

I hope in time for the "big" parties I will be attending, I have achieved my ideal weight and look and feel better about myself.

An Extraordinary Saturday

July 19, 2008...

I actually had different plans for today. Although the changes in plans really made me sad, this day didn't turn out as bad as I thought it would be.

• 6:30 - 7:30am - I prepared lazily for "work", it's our Personnel Development Day in school and a guest speaker was invited to talk to us about "Teaching as a Vocation"
• 7:53 - I arrived in school... Passed by the faculty room to get a notebook as my props.. hehe..:p
• 8:00 - 8:45 - we waited for the guest speaker to arrive..
• 8:50 - 11:00 - Dr. Onofre Pagsanghan - Mr. Pagski - spoke before us, OB Montessori Employees..
• I thought at first that I will just sleep once the talk starts cause that usually happens to me (or that happens when I really lack sleep)
• When Mr. Pagski arrived and seeing how old he looks like (he is already 81 years old), the more I said to myself and whispered to my seatmate (Ms. Dotimas) that I might just be really sleeping during the talk... BUT I WAS WRONG!
• Mr. Pagski is great in capturing his audience that I listened to him intently and reacted together with the majority of the audience to everything he said. I didn't bother to check my phone (when in fact right now I'm such a text "addict") and didn't mind the "call of nature" cause I don't want to miss anything he says
• He shared with us how he got his name "Pagski" from his American teacher who cannot pronounce his real surname.
• He also shared how him and Mr. Max Soliven were good friends during their 3rd and 4th year in high school.
• He was so nostalgic about his years as a student in Ateneo and how his teachers (Jesuit teachers at that) influenced him so much to what and who he is right now.
• And now that he is a teacher himself for 57 years, he shared how he feeds both the mind and heart of his "boys" (his students in Ateneo High School)
• His talk actually focused on this quote: "LOVE your CALLING with PASSION. It is the MEANING of LIFE" - Rodin
• After his talk, I said to myself, I want to grow old like him... I want to be the best teacher I can be for my students.. feeding not just the mind but also the heart.
  
• 11:30 - 12:15pm - on the way home, mox accompanied me while walking in Annapolis, ride the mrt, and walk home (But wait, i went back in school cause I forgot the free movie tickets given by Enzo)
• 12:15 - 12:30 - Changed clothes.. A kinda semi-formal one because we are going to watch a show in the evening
• 12:30 - 1:15 - Lunch
• 1:15 - 2:00 - Accompanied Pato to her doctor
• 2:00 - 5:30 - Mega Mall
• Concorde - checked for the price of sunshade for silverina
• VIdeo City - Pato checked for the Last King of Scotland
• Astroplus - Pato bought Matilda for Aileen
• Toy Kingdom - Pato looked for a gift for Hans but there's none of the animal she likes for him
• Pato bought me smores from this stall that sells chocolate coated apple.. we can't remember the name of the stall..
• Stopped by in Puzzle Dazzle and looked at the Precious Moments Puzzle.. I saw this puzzle and got dazzled by it coz I drew it and the drawing is in one of my notebooks.. I hope next time that I have money it is still there so I can buy it.
• Bench - Pato shopped for her shirts. I tried on a skirt, it's nice but didn't like it that much.
• Cyberzone, Planet Silver and the Bead Shop - Pato looked for the necklace she wants to give to ducky.. but it's not available anymore
• Pizza Hut - we ordered Regular Bacon Cheeseburger and had it upgraded to cheesy pops (that i eventually got tired of eating so I had mine wrapped after), Carbonara (it kinda lacks sauce), Caribbean Smoothies and Dessert Sampler.

• 5:30-5:50 - walked to church - St. Francis
• 6:00 - 7:00 - Mass by Fr. Jess Gueco
• 7:00 - 7:30 - Car on our Way to BDO Auditorium in Makati
• Julianne was with us and she kept me awake in the car (I was so sleepy but really can't sleep)
  
• 7:30 - 8:10 - Waiting for the show to start
• 8:10 - 9:30 - When I Have Sung My Songs featuring Karlene Denolo (soprano), Philippine Madrigal Singers Alumni, Entwined Voices abd Jesper Mercado (piano)
• The show was great especially the Madrigal Singers Alumni. It's like you are listening from a high-tech audio player. And they sing sitting down!
  
• 9:30 - 10:45 - Dinner at Metroclub in Rockwell. I had chicken barbeque, Iced tea and a scoop of strawberry ice cream.
• While there, the TV was on at Star Movies and Night at the Museum was showing. Julianne stopped me from eating and held my head to make sure that I watch her favorite scene. Mommy told us to keep eating or else we will be left behind if we finish eating last.
• After eating, Julianne got cold that she sat on my lap and hugged me. And when I stood, she hugged me by waist.
  
• 10:45 - 11:10 - Car on the way home. Julianne fell asleep on my side and I also kinda fell asleep too but we were already near the village so I tried to fight it.
• 11:10 - 12:00 - Home at last and rested for awhile before I took a bath.
• 12:00 - 1:00 - Tried to write this blog but was too sleepy already.

A Great Day that Ended So Sad

July 11, 2008...

• It started by being undecided on what to wear (time to show off.. hahaha) coz the attire i pictured in mind the night before isn't ironed yet... So I finally decided to wear a tube, black and white dress and top it with my black blazer that I have been looking for for the past 3 weeks...
• I wasn't feeling well coz it's my first day... but was able (?) to show people that I'm ok and that nothing is wrong...
• I got to buy acquaintance party pictures from Mang Bob...
  
• At work... I got to do some paperworks before my class. My former students kept on asking me to go to their classmate's birthday party at mcdo... But my plans were all indefinite depending on the main concern I have...
• 2C - we discussed about cell cycle and mitosis.. kinda fun...
• 2A - laboratory activity on Plant and Animal Cell.. tiring but ok.. Got so disappointed on some students who weren't able to bring the materials needed for the activity.. hay naku!...
• I got so tired after class that I so much want to sleep but did not coz I have things (tons of them) to do.. so, i started checking some homeworks...
• Those from the retreat came at last (around 3pm)... after 15 minutes or so, we had our department meeting ... then I asked the question that will make clear the plans I have after work... We, the science teachers, won't be going anymore in mega mall for the book fair.. The invitation was given to Mr. Sahagun since he is the one who really needs to scout for books for Tissue Culture...
• So, I pushed through with plan B...
  
• 4:30pm.. With Ms. Milante, Ms. Fecundo and Mr. Capistrano... we went to McDo for Arianne's "surprise" birthday party... We took pictures, ate and chatted with one another...
  
• Then my ate asked a favor that I can't say no before she tells me what the favor is... So, I said yes..
• Other teachers left already but I got left behind coz I want to chat more with them and take more pictures...
  
• after 6pm... we left mcdo and went to promenade...
• Timezone.. basketball.. they can't believe that I can shoot some hoops..
• Time-out.. hehe.. I called Mrs. Canet that I'll just visit her and my godson Benedict the following day (8am at Medical City)
  
• Timezone.. deal or no deal.. case #14, just had 2 tickets and it's a good thing that we made a deal with the banker's offer of 11 tickets...
• Timezone.. the Trivia game.. mhe vs. debbie vs. andrea vs. jane .. I think I won 2x and debbie once?
• Timezone.. then the others came.. they are going to watch a movie while others are going home already.. Ate and I went "somewhere", to the favor she asked me that I can't say no to..
• Starbucks...
  
• Mocha Frap - Venti! and a whole lotsa kwento...
• Who is 6? are pala kasi 2 sila...
  
• Who are the members of the Bird Family?
• Who is crunch?
• We both felt good after the sharing and bonding moments we had and it made our day great..
  
• Got home past 10 pm...
• Had no plans of going on-line but I was asked to check on something so I did..
• Then the sad ending of the day... A blog written by my friend bout my ate..
• I felt sad cause the 2 persons who are both special to me had a misunderstanding because of me..
• I don't know how I can stay neutral and bridge the gap that was built cause of ME..
• I was really so sad that it didn't let me have a good sleep..
  

Ironies of Love

You never want to hurt the one you truly love but he/she will be the first to get hurt when something happens..

You never want to say good bye, just next time but goodbye is all there is to say when everything has gone wrong and nothing else can be done...

Why does something wrong feel so right when you are in love?

Can't love be enough reason for two people so in love with each other to stay together?

Why can't we be together?

Good - Bad

Lately i get some complements and also some not so good comments from different people.. Here they are and my reactions to them...

Good points...

1. I'm pretty/beautiful.. wow.. such nice words to say to someone like me.. I never thought of myself as such..

2. I'm thoughtful.. well, it's just but natural to care for those we love.. =)

3. I'm HOT?! - what?- huh? - how?

4. My eyes are my asset, they sparkle when I smile - aww.. how sweet.. but i guess it's just the make-up and the mascara.. yun lang yun.. hehe..

5. I work well - i love my work.. i'll continue to give my best to this vocation i've chosen.. =)

Not so good points...

1. I'm grouchy most of the time - ummm.. I just react on how you guys treat me.. but please don't give me the impression that i don't have the right to react that way.. you just don't have any idea how it hurts to be belittled or be ignored or be not given the full information.. I'm easy to get along with just as long as you treat me right.

2. I'm fat - oh well lolo, i'm going to be thin again soon.. hehe..

3. dense - ouch! to the person who said this.. wait till i prove you wrong.. I think you don't know me well that's why you were able to utter such hurtful word.. but FYI, you just made me stronger by saying that.. thanks..

4. Maarte - i'm me and i can't change my voice, i won't change my style of clothing and hair.. i don't intend to please everybody coz I know i can't.. so to those who say i'm maarte.. live with it!


Now, with those things, I hope no one sees me as someone who should be put into the pedestal, coz I don't think I deserve it.. I'm far from being perfect.. All I can be is ME. To those who accept me and love me nonetheless, thank you so much. I know who you are and you are all so precious to me.

First Day - School Year 2008-2009

First day for the school year 2008-2009.... I don't have class.. haha!!

• I woke up 4:45 (dapat 4:30.. hehe)
• Was with Ms. Lana on the way to school.. She told me their observations about me last Friday during the Kick-off.. Hahaha.. It's really not in my personality to be sweety in front of everybody, kahit acting lang!.. hahaha!
  
• Got to school 5:45.. gosh.. I'm the 1st who arrived of all the high school faculty.. di naman ako excited, just really nervous to sing in front of the students.
• 7:00am.. assembly of students... I was just at the back muna...
• 7:15am.. start of the flag ceremony.. I was in front already together with some teachers who will sing the O.B. Montessori Mission/Vision (waaahhh.. I was really nervous.. my hands were cold and my stomach hurt!)
• Introduction of teachers.. I'm now officially NOT the Science Department OIC.. It's sad but also relieving.. I'd really rather teach than get stock in doing more paper works.
• 7:45 - 10:30 - I just stayed in the faculty room, answering the phone. Parents and guardians asking for the dismissal time of their children. In between, I went to the Academic Office to print some requirements for summer.. (sana ma-clear na kami). Also, I started working already on my Lesson Plan..
  
• 10:30-ish - 10:55-ish - talked to Chesca, Nick, William and Jane..
  
• 11:00 - 11:45 - lunch with Mrs. Canet, Ms. Cascasan and Mrs. Datu-Ramos... Omg! I forgot to get my change!!! We primarily talked about our experiences when we were observed by our superiors... But I wasn't really able to share coz I so far never had any untoward incident related to being observed..
• 11:45 - 3:00 - just in the faculty room - still answering the phone, working on my lesson plan, writing on the cover page of other teachers' Lesson Plan, Class Record, Anecdotal Record, Daily Class Evaluation Notebook, Attendance Record...
• 3:00-3:15 - I ate snacks (pancit) by myself at the 4th floor satellite cafe.. Kuya Jun, It's good to have you back!
  
• 3:15-4:00-ish - Went on in doing my Lesson Plan
• 4:00-ish - 4:30-ish - talked to Jane, Medwin, Anton and William.. but they eventually left Jane..
• 4:30-ish - went down with Jane.. but when we reached the lobby, Julia, Jessica, Kim and Marilag went to me and started telling me how quiet their class was coz Angelo is no longer there, Lee was absent, Kim was transferred to C.. (Sorry Jane if I didn't get to talk to you more before leaving)
• Out of OBMCI, I passed by the Post Office and asked how much Pato's mail costs.. Its 143 g = P273...
  
• 5:45 - Home at last.. Mommy Goose was surprised I was early.. I am too... hehe.. but this is the good thing of starting early.. We get to go home early too..

Tomorrow will be my day.. Get ready 2A, 2B and 2C..

Shortcomings

I made some serious thinking after a good friend of mine (Pato) told me that I have changed in a not so good way... They noticed at home that I became grouchy this summer and that I was irritable. Reflecting on what she said, I came to realize that I was not able to release properly my frustrations and depressions of what happened at work but instead "handled" them by acting "strong". I don't usually tell Pato what happened at work coz I don't want to bother her anymore of anything about my concerns. But it turned out that the more I wanted to shield her from my pains, the more I hurt her. She didn't understand me coz I didn't let her to. And worse, my being grouchy became my way of "handling" things. They got scared of me that they don't talk to me as much as before.

But I'm glad that today they were able to open up with me in a nice way that I didn't get offended. The truth hurts.. But accepting it and doing something about it will make things easier for me.

I'm not perfect and I will never be.. I will still have my grouchy moments and mood swings too. But I'll do my best to be more open, patient and understanding especially here at home.. I may have not so good day at work but they don't deserve to be my shock absorber.

I'm sorry for all my shortcomings. Thank you for being there. I hope you don't give up on me.